Clear Eye For the "No Thanks, I Aleady Ate" Guy

      Mandelbaum & 1099 Subcontractors, LLC announces its Spring line of clothing and "Cloth-Thing" (one of the more inspired offerings is no more than a piece of cloth draped over the head and shoulders with eye slits to enable vision).  In off-Broadway tryouts, "Cloth Thing" was called "Condemned to be Executed," but the name didn't take.

      The truly fashion-forward will all be in Mandelbaum this season.  Ergo, the eyes of the Industry will, likewise, be trained on the House of M (& subs) to see where this maverick will go next -- just as the eyes of persons walking around in "Cloth-Thing" will have their heads pressed against the vision slits so that they can see where they are going next--without bruising.

     This year, Mandelbaum has decreed:  "Puce is in," not because M cares for puce particularly, but because adolescent boys are expected to mispronounce the name of the color "and have all kinds of fun with it."  Nevertheless, Mandelbaum puts on a brave face and appears to be effusive about the hue du jour: "It's big.  It's bold.  It's brash.  But most importantly, it's brown, in a kind of reddish, purplish, yellowish kind of mix, which makes it really pliable, and, when you try to picture it, you realize that 'puce' is the perfect name for itself."

     Not a few schmatte mavens have wondered:  How does "Cloth -Thing" stay in place in high-velocity winds, such as are found atop Mt. Washington in winter and when skydiving out of an aircraft at a dangerously-high altitude? The trade secret (which, evidently, isn't that secret unless you refuse to read any further) lies in the powerful adhesive programmed to be released from the garment's interior, and triggered by micro-sensors embedded in the strands of the fabric that can detect when someone or something is wearing it. While a mildly odoriferous residue redolent of super glue permeates the skin after moderate use of the article, it washes out in a week or so, and is generally thought to be not toxic.

    Another of Mandelbaum's marquis creations in this collection is the waterproof, unisex tuxedo with a reversible cummerbund; the obverse is puce and the reverse is also puce. Prototypes of the cummerbund called for an application of stain guard, but the production cost proved prohibitive resulting in the Janus-faced option. Accidents do happen to tuxedoed rich people burdened with the incessant obligation of offsetting outrageous tax breaks with charity ball-hopping hither and yon.  This is especially so whenever canapes and cocktails collide, as they are wont to do at charity balls. But those fortunate to have been costumed in Mandelbaum remain sharp and sparkling in their reversible cummerbunds, no matter how uncoordinated and stupid the part-time server working three jobs to pay the rent.

     Lest you thought that Mandelbaum was only for the well-heeled and up on their luck, you have misthunk. Patrons of sartorial purveyors that incorporate the word "Mart" in their signage will have plenty to cheer about when fingering the plebeian racks. Of note is the "Burlap," so dubbed because, it is, in fact, an homage to that quintessentially American receptacle once as much a part of the landscape as farms in the days when there used to be farms. It is a once-piece item and, although it also has vision slits, is readily distinguishable from "Cloth-Thing," because, unlike the former, it falls majestically all the way to the ground, and comes in only one size.  It is available in puce.

     Mandelbaum is not shy about where he derives his inspiration. "I almost always get it from my subcontractors," he says, "which is why they are all required to sign work-made-for-hire agreements." Mandelbaum clearly enjoys working with this crop of people who gave the idea of law school the ol' heave-ho. He relishes the give-and-take of the design process in a group dynamic, or, as he calls it, the "take-and-take."

     How does one possibly follow the tough act of "Cloth Thing" and "Burlap?" Does the Mandelbaum style revolution keep evolving into a style evolution? Never coy about which direction his creative compass is pointed, Mandelbaum admits that he hasn't even considered the possibility, and, anyway, he's making such good progress that he really doesn't want to stop and ask for directions. However, he lets it slip that he may skip Milan and Paris altogether this go-round and head, instead, to Duluth, Minnesota.

   Why Duluth?

   "We way over-ordered material last month, and now we can't unload it.  Thankfully, puce is all the rage in Duluth."