Our Contributors

G-d ("Mosquitoes -- Not My Best Work," p. 28) has been a contributor since time immemorial. Other works include: "Space," "Time," and "A Unified Theory of Everything."

Dude* (Cover) Once answered one of those ads in the back of some lowfalutin rag with a headline that was something like: 'So You Think You Can Draw?' But they never got back to him.

(* Not his real name).

Little Debbie ("Does This Apostrophe 'S' Make Me Look Fat?" p. 105) owns a successful line of eponymous cakes favored by a certain Supreme Court justice.


Nostradamus ("Is it 2012 Yet?" -- p. 32) has experienced a resurgence of popularity lately, notwithstanding that he hasn't published anything in 500 years.

J. Alfred Prufrock  (Poem, p. 52) has published exactly one poem.  Actually, he didn't exactly publish it.  He was the star of it.  But he hasn't really worked since, and we felt sorry for him.  So we printed his little doggerel.

Anonymous ("I Wrote Shakespeare's Plays," p. 43) wrote Shakespeare's plays.

Mister Dog ("I am a conservative," p. 72) is a dog who belongs to himself and usually votes Republican, but not always, like, one time, he voted for Hamid Karzai because he liked his hat.  You have to admit, it's a pretty good hat.

P.M.M. (Snide Comment ) is a senior editor.  Not here, of course.  But somewhere.  At least, that's what he claims.

CVS  ("Your Medication is Ready for Pick-up," p.206) is a pharmacy that keeps robo-calling and leaving voicemails.

Felonious Monk ("Everybody's a Critic," p.222) is a critic. Who isn't?

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WE WELCOME UNSOLICITED MANUSCRIPTS, BUT WE WILL NOT RETURN OR ACKNOWLEDGE THEM. OR PUBLISH THEM. OR READ THEM. OR TOUCH THEM WITHOUT GLOVES AND A MASK. OR REFER TO THEM IN POLITE CONVERSATION. OR EVER SPEAK OF THEM AGAIN. UNTIL THE SUN BURNS OUT AND LIFE AS WE KNOW IT IS NO MORE.  WE ALSO WELCOME CHEESE DOODLES (NOT THE CHEAP KIND WHERE THE ORANGE CRAP GETS ALL OVER YOUR FINGERS). AND POTATO CHIPS. WITH RIDGES. AND MAY WE SAY (AND NOT IN A SHY WAY) THAT WE ALSO WELCOME MALTED MILK BALLS. IN A LITTLE BOX IN THE SHAPE OF A HOUSE. WITH A CONVENIENT CARRYING HANDLE.