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You have 18 new voicemail messages. Press "1" to hear the first new message...
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First new message: Message received today at 7:46 a.m.
Hey! I know you're still in bed and you don't text, which is, like -- who doesn't text? Voicemails are so 20th Century, but, whatever. So. Anyway, I need some, like, money. I'm out of money So, ok. Text me. Like, I mean, call me. OK, Bye. WAIT! Did I call the wrong number? Who is this, anyway? Oh, shit! I called the wrong number. Disregard! DIS-REE-GARDANIA! Sorry, man. Never mind. I thought you were somebody. See, you should learn how to text, whoever you are. Ok, bye!
End of Message. To save it, press "7;" To erase it, press "3;" To skip to the next message, press the "pound" key...
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Next new message. Message received today at 7:47 a.m.
Wait. What? Did I just call you? About the money? Oh, man! I did! Shit! Your number's practically the same as...
End of Message. To save it, press "7;" To erase it, press "3;" to...
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Next new message. Message received today at 8:01 a.m.
ollection and costly litigation by paying your bill today. Our call center is open from 8:00 AM until 11:00 PM Eastern Standard Time. Thank you for your attention.
End of Message. To save it, press...[message deleted]
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Next new message. Message received today at 8:32 a.m.
Hello, this is Eric calling from the Center for Financial Freedom -- even though it sounds suspiciously like my name should be Sanjay, calling from a train station in Mumbai -- I assure you, it's Eric -- and I am calling on this most auspicious occasion to announce that we have a plan that can cut your debt in half by up to 50 per cent!...[message skipped]
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Next new message. Message received today at 11: 17 a.m.
Yeah. Hi. This is Bruno. We cleaned all the leaves up in the back as per instructions. I guess your cat had quite a little night of fun and adventure, because we also had to dispose of a headless rabbit, a crow, and something that maybe your pet regurgitated, I dunno. Couldn't really tell what it was. But it was all over the yard, and, I think I saw a trail leading to the neighbor's property. Hopefully, your cat got it out of his system before he came in the house. Anyway, just wanted to remind you that we're strictly grass and shrubs men. We have to charge a special rate for the rodent mortuary services, if you are following my meaning. We didn't know what you wanted to do with the deceased, so, we left them in a bag on the front porch. We put up a big sign there that says "Dead Animals," so that you wouldn't mistake it for dirty laundry, or something. Also, the check you said you were going to tape to the door in an envelope must have blown away in the breeze, so I guess you'll have to write a new one. Again. Funny how that keeps happening. OK, see you next time.
End of Message. To save it, press...
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Next new message. Message received today at 12:02 pm
It's your next-door neighbor. Keep your damn cat off my lawn! [message deleted].
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Next new message. Message received today at 1:43 pm
Wait a minute. You again? Didn't I already call here?
End of message...
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Next new message. Message received today at 2:15 pm
Hello, I'm calling from the Democratic National Committee. The stakes in this upcoming election have never been higher. We know we say that every election, but this time, we really mean it. When you go to the polls to vote next...[message skipped]
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Next new message. Message received today at 3:00 pm
This is CVS Pharmacy calling with an important announcement. All of your medications have been re-shelved because you never come to pick them up, even though we have robo-called every day for the last 47 days, and it's a wonder you're not dead yet.
End of message...
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Next new message. Message received today at 3:13 pm
...the Philadelphia office and the...Frank! Frank! Hey, Frank! We're over here! Waiter can you bring another menu and I'll have another Stella. Hey, Frank, say hello to Benjamin Duhclown and Miriam Stein from legal. What? No a Stella Artois -- Frank what are you having? What? Waiter, bring 2 Stellas. I guess I'll have a new glass. What? No give us a minute to look at the menu. How are the fries in truffle oil? Should we share an appetizer? Ok, thanks. Here, can you take this plate out of the way? And can you put that umbrella up a little more? With all that sun, I feel like I may be freckling. Great, thanks. Yeah, two Stellas and two new glasses. Great! What's up with that asshole bird flying around all over here? That's the problem with dining al fresco. Some jerk bird always buzzing your section trying to steal your stuff or poop on your head. Oh, for the love of..! Can somebody please shoot that bird!? So, Miriam and Frank, before we call Philly, let's... what time is it anyway? Who has a watch?..Oh never, mind, I'll just look at my phone...Oh for chrissake, it's been on this whole time! It just dialed some random number! I hate these stupid over-sensitive phones! Whose stupid number is this that it just dialed, anyway!? Hey! get off our table you little bird asshole! Damnit! There go the Stellas, all over everything! I'm gonna strangle that bird! Hey, Waiter! we're gonna need two more Stellas! And Can I get something to wipe this up? Bring us a bunch of nap....
End of message. to save it, press "7," to erase it...
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Next new message. Message received today at 3:47 pm
Shalom. I'm calling from the Anti-Defamation League. We want to thank you for the generous pledge of $18 that you have made in the last month to be remitted in 6 installments. And we appreciate the sentiment you expressed by sending along a check for the first installment. We made several efforts to deposit the check until the bank informed us that it had been written on a closed account. We're certain that this was just an oversight on your part. So we we're calling to discuss replacement options. We accept many forms of payment, such as...[message deleted]
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Next new message. Message received today at 4:02 pm
Hello from the Republican National Committee. The stakes...[message skipped]
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Next new message. Message received today at 4:19 pm
Stuckmeallmayhah! Yassup.
End of Message. To save it, press "7;" To erase it, press "3;" To send it to another number press "5;" to hear the message again, press "1"...
Stuckmeallmayhah! Yassup.
End of Message. To save it, press "7;" To erase it, press "3;" To...
Stuckmeallmayhah! Yassup.
End of Message. To save it, press "7;" To erase it, press "3;" To...
Stuckmeallmayhah! Yassup.
End of Message. To save it, press "7;" To erase it, press "3;" To...
Stuckmeallmayhah! Yassup. [message saved]
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Next new message. Message received today at 4:30 pm
Well guess who this is! You probably think that I wasn't able to get your license plate number as you peeled out of the parking lot after backing into the side of my car. But you're wrong! And I was able to track you down with just that teensy, little bit of information. You'll be hearing from me. I going to... [message deleted]
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Next new message. Message received today at 4:36 pm
And another thing, I not only know where you live, I know where you shop and what you buy. Mostly cat food and seltzer, by the looks of it. Boy are you gonna be... [message deleted]
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Next new message. Message received today at 7:38 pm
Hello, you don't know me. I think we somehow got our wallets mixed up at the store when we were both paying at the same counter. When I got home and went to change my clothes, I took my wallet out of my pocket and a bunch of parking tickets fell out. And some little packets of sweetener and a toothpick (still in the plastic) from some coffee shop. And some mustard. And a playing piece from a Monopoly board game. I think it was a shoe. So, anyway, I knew the wallet wasn't mine, because, mostly mine just has money in it. I hope you don't mind, but I had to look through yours to find your driver's license, which I guess is expired, but the address seems to still be valid and so that's how I got your phone number. And, of course, I'm hoping you have my wallet. It's real leather. Gucci. With a gold clasp. 24 carat. And all the cards are platinum so, it's pretty hard to miss. Anyway, I'm hoping we can arrange to exchange wallets tomorrow, or I could send a driver over...[message saved]
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Next new message. Message received today at 8:02 pm
We're calling from WLOL, your public radio alternative. During our last fund drive, we didn't get nearly as many callers as we had planned, and, sadly, we fell short of our goal for the fourth straight quarter. We realize that these fundraisers are distasteful to most of our listeners. Additionally, many of our listeners simply don't have the time to call. So we are trying something new -- never tried before in the history of public broadcasting -- and, at the same time, we have decided to make your life even easier! From now on, during our fund drives, instead of you having to go to the phone to call us, we'll be calling you! For a pledge of just...[message deleted]
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Next new message. Message received today at 2:07 am
Hi, it's not too late to call I hope. It's only eleven o'clock and I know you usually don't go to bed until eleven-thirty, so.., Oh, damn! I forgot the time difference! I'm sorry. I forgot. Shoot! I'm always doing that, aren't I? I hope the phone didn't wake you up. Sorry about that. I, uh...Ok, forget it, I'll...Hello!? Hello!? Are you there? Did you get up!? Hello are you there!? Hang on; don't go away..Hold on! I've got another call coming in...
End of message.
You have no additional messages.
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First new message: Message received today at 7:46 a.m.
Hey! I know you're still in bed and you don't text, which is, like -- who doesn't text? Voicemails are so 20th Century, but, whatever. So. Anyway, I need some, like, money. I'm out of money So, ok. Text me. Like, I mean, call me. OK, Bye. WAIT! Did I call the wrong number? Who is this, anyway? Oh, shit! I called the wrong number. Disregard! DIS-REE-GARDANIA! Sorry, man. Never mind. I thought you were somebody. See, you should learn how to text, whoever you are. Ok, bye!
End of Message. To save it, press "7;" To erase it, press "3;" To skip to the next message, press the "pound" key...
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Next new message. Message received today at 7:47 a.m.
Wait. What? Did I just call you? About the money? Oh, man! I did! Shit! Your number's practically the same as...
End of Message. To save it, press "7;" To erase it, press "3;" to...
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Next new message. Message received today at 8:01 a.m.
ollection and costly litigation by paying your bill today. Our call center is open from 8:00 AM until 11:00 PM Eastern Standard Time. Thank you for your attention.
End of Message. To save it, press...[message deleted]
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Next new message. Message received today at 8:32 a.m.
Hello, this is Eric calling from the Center for Financial Freedom -- even though it sounds suspiciously like my name should be Sanjay, calling from a train station in Mumbai -- I assure you, it's Eric -- and I am calling on this most auspicious occasion to announce that we have a plan that can cut your debt in half by up to 50 per cent!...[message skipped]
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Next new message. Message received today at 11: 17 a.m.
Yeah. Hi. This is Bruno. We cleaned all the leaves up in the back as per instructions. I guess your cat had quite a little night of fun and adventure, because we also had to dispose of a headless rabbit, a crow, and something that maybe your pet regurgitated, I dunno. Couldn't really tell what it was. But it was all over the yard, and, I think I saw a trail leading to the neighbor's property. Hopefully, your cat got it out of his system before he came in the house. Anyway, just wanted to remind you that we're strictly grass and shrubs men. We have to charge a special rate for the rodent mortuary services, if you are following my meaning. We didn't know what you wanted to do with the deceased, so, we left them in a bag on the front porch. We put up a big sign there that says "Dead Animals," so that you wouldn't mistake it for dirty laundry, or something. Also, the check you said you were going to tape to the door in an envelope must have blown away in the breeze, so I guess you'll have to write a new one. Again. Funny how that keeps happening. OK, see you next time.
End of Message. To save it, press...
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Next new message. Message received today at 12:02 pm
It's your next-door neighbor. Keep your damn cat off my lawn! [message deleted].
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Next new message. Message received today at 1:43 pm
Wait a minute. You again? Didn't I already call here?
End of message...
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Next new message. Message received today at 2:15 pm
Hello, I'm calling from the Democratic National Committee. The stakes in this upcoming election have never been higher. We know we say that every election, but this time, we really mean it. When you go to the polls to vote next...[message skipped]
-----------------------------------------------------------
Next new message. Message received today at 3:00 pm
This is CVS Pharmacy calling with an important announcement. All of your medications have been re-shelved because you never come to pick them up, even though we have robo-called every day for the last 47 days, and it's a wonder you're not dead yet.
End of message...
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Next new message. Message received today at 3:13 pm
...the Philadelphia office and the...Frank! Frank! Hey, Frank! We're over here! Waiter can you bring another menu and I'll have another Stella. Hey, Frank, say hello to Benjamin Duhclown and Miriam Stein from legal. What? No a Stella Artois -- Frank what are you having? What? Waiter, bring 2 Stellas. I guess I'll have a new glass. What? No give us a minute to look at the menu. How are the fries in truffle oil? Should we share an appetizer? Ok, thanks. Here, can you take this plate out of the way? And can you put that umbrella up a little more? With all that sun, I feel like I may be freckling. Great, thanks. Yeah, two Stellas and two new glasses. Great! What's up with that asshole bird flying around all over here? That's the problem with dining al fresco. Some jerk bird always buzzing your section trying to steal your stuff or poop on your head. Oh, for the love of..! Can somebody please shoot that bird!? So, Miriam and Frank, before we call Philly, let's... what time is it anyway? Who has a watch?..Oh never, mind, I'll just look at my phone...Oh for chrissake, it's been on this whole time! It just dialed some random number! I hate these stupid over-sensitive phones! Whose stupid number is this that it just dialed, anyway!? Hey! get off our table you little bird asshole! Damnit! There go the Stellas, all over everything! I'm gonna strangle that bird! Hey, Waiter! we're gonna need two more Stellas! And Can I get something to wipe this up? Bring us a bunch of nap....
End of message. to save it, press "7," to erase it...
-----------------------------------------------------------
Next new message. Message received today at 3:47 pm
Shalom. I'm calling from the Anti-Defamation League. We want to thank you for the generous pledge of $18 that you have made in the last month to be remitted in 6 installments. And we appreciate the sentiment you expressed by sending along a check for the first installment. We made several efforts to deposit the check until the bank informed us that it had been written on a closed account. We're certain that this was just an oversight on your part. So we we're calling to discuss replacement options. We accept many forms of payment, such as...[message deleted]
---------------------------------------------------
Next new message. Message received today at 4:02 pm
Hello from the Republican National Committee. The stakes...[message skipped]
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Next new message. Message received today at 4:19 pm
Stuckmeallmayhah! Yassup.
End of Message. To save it, press "7;" To erase it, press "3;" To send it to another number press "5;" to hear the message again, press "1"...
Stuckmeallmayhah! Yassup.
End of Message. To save it, press "7;" To erase it, press "3;" To...
Stuckmeallmayhah! Yassup.
End of Message. To save it, press "7;" To erase it, press "3;" To...
Stuckmeallmayhah! Yassup.
End of Message. To save it, press "7;" To erase it, press "3;" To...
Stuckmeallmayhah! Yassup. [message saved]
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Next new message. Message received today at 4:30 pm
Well guess who this is! You probably think that I wasn't able to get your license plate number as you peeled out of the parking lot after backing into the side of my car. But you're wrong! And I was able to track you down with just that teensy, little bit of information. You'll be hearing from me. I going to... [message deleted]
------------------------------------------------------------------
Next new message. Message received today at 4:36 pm
And another thing, I not only know where you live, I know where you shop and what you buy. Mostly cat food and seltzer, by the looks of it. Boy are you gonna be... [message deleted]
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Next new message. Message received today at 7:38 pm
Hello, you don't know me. I think we somehow got our wallets mixed up at the store when we were both paying at the same counter. When I got home and went to change my clothes, I took my wallet out of my pocket and a bunch of parking tickets fell out. And some little packets of sweetener and a toothpick (still in the plastic) from some coffee shop. And some mustard. And a playing piece from a Monopoly board game. I think it was a shoe. So, anyway, I knew the wallet wasn't mine, because, mostly mine just has money in it. I hope you don't mind, but I had to look through yours to find your driver's license, which I guess is expired, but the address seems to still be valid and so that's how I got your phone number. And, of course, I'm hoping you have my wallet. It's real leather. Gucci. With a gold clasp. 24 carat. And all the cards are platinum so, it's pretty hard to miss. Anyway, I'm hoping we can arrange to exchange wallets tomorrow, or I could send a driver over...[message saved]
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Next new message. Message received today at 8:02 pm
We're calling from WLOL, your public radio alternative. During our last fund drive, we didn't get nearly as many callers as we had planned, and, sadly, we fell short of our goal for the fourth straight quarter. We realize that these fundraisers are distasteful to most of our listeners. Additionally, many of our listeners simply don't have the time to call. So we are trying something new -- never tried before in the history of public broadcasting -- and, at the same time, we have decided to make your life even easier! From now on, during our fund drives, instead of you having to go to the phone to call us, we'll be calling you! For a pledge of just...[message deleted]
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Next new message. Message received today at 2:07 am
Hi, it's not too late to call I hope. It's only eleven o'clock and I know you usually don't go to bed until eleven-thirty, so.., Oh, damn! I forgot the time difference! I'm sorry. I forgot. Shoot! I'm always doing that, aren't I? I hope the phone didn't wake you up. Sorry about that. I, uh...Ok, forget it, I'll...Hello!? Hello!? Are you there? Did you get up!? Hello are you there!? Hang on; don't go away..Hold on! I've got another call coming in...
End of message.
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