You Can Take the Driving Test as Many Times as You Want But You Never Get a Second Chance to Say "You Never Get a Second Chance" For the First Time After You Already Said It.

How long has it been since you last took a driver's test?  5 years? 10 years? 100 years? 100,000 years? Holy Moses!  Just how old are you, Methuselah?  Mind if we call you Methuselah? We were going to call you "Meth" for short, but some people (the stupid ones) would take that the wrong way, so we'll stick with the full name.

Well, now, Methuselah, you may think you are a great driver and know all the rules of the road.    Care to have a friendly wager?   Take our little practice test (based on an actual practice test) and we'll see how much of a menace you are. For every question you get right, score 5 points. For every question we get right, send us a dollar.

Click on the link below to watch a quick demonstration.

www.http//thisboguslinkdoesnotworkbecauseGeorgeSorossabotageditinyetanotherexampleofhowGlennBeckwasrightabouthimhereallyistryingtocontroltheeconomytogetherwithhissmarmyHolocaustsurvivingfriends

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Actual Practice Questions

(Read each question below out loud [in a an exaggerated fake British accent] while waiting on line to purchase tickets to see Al Pacino in Merchant of Venice at the Broadhurst on Broadway, and click on the answer that you think best exemplifies the following statement: "The shortest distance between 2 points is not having to change planes in Newark."

Number 1

When planning to make a left turn across an intersection while waiting for the traffic to clear, your front tires should be turned:


A.  Out

B.  They should definitely be turned out.

C.   Yes, yes. They are all turned out.  They look nice.

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Number 2

When you see a "Roadwork Ahead" sign you should:

A. Shout out the window: "My tax dollars are paying for this!  Look sharp there, you!"


B. They should definitely be turned out.

C. Have known there's not really anybody working out here, and we all slowed down for nothing.


How we doin' so far?  Care to play double or nothin'?


Numbuh 3

You should drive on the shoulder to pass a car only:

A. if Anwar al-Awlaki is lying on the shoulder.* 

B. when you see the whites of their eyes.

C. Only what?  What is it you're trying to say, Methuselah?


Noomber 4 

When you see a flashing yellow light at an intersection you should:


A.  Yes, you should.

B.  Everybody does it.
C.  Slow down!  Slow down!  I can't understand a word you're saying! She called you a what?

Nahmbah 5

Scanning the road ahead for hazards helps drivers:


A.  Forget about the hazards on the road behind.

B.  Save the hazards to a file to be downloaded at a later time.

C.  Both A and B are correct.

Now We Are Six

When you are driving on the freeway and the vehicle in front of you is a large truck, you should drive:

A.  What is a freeway?

B.   Where we live, we have to pay tolls so that the government can afford to erect signs that say: "Roadwork Ahead."

C.   We pay through the nose, actually.

Are you asleep, Methuselah? Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! We're almost done.  It doesn't look good you dozing off behind the wheel like that. What would Anwar al-Awlaki, say? Hey, do you suppose he uses an alias for takeout orders?  "Hi, I'm picking up the large 3-cheese pizza for al.' "  Maybe you should get an alias for takeout orders, Methuselah. "I'm picking up the schwarma sandwich for 'Meth.' " Oh, right, we tried that already. Never mind. I know! If you want to see a hysterical video of a cat scratching Anwar al-Awlaki on the butt, click the link below:


www.http//Anwaral-Awakisctratchedonthebutthystericalvideo
[1 billion views]

 
Number 7
To stop in an emergency situation when your car does not have ABS brakes, you should:

A.  Get some ABS brakes.

B.  Buy some ABS brakes.

C.  Purchase some ABS brakes.
Score:
 
George Soros - 6 million
 
Glenn Beck - 0
.......................................
 
Well, how did you do?
 
That's not good at all.
 
Hand over the keys, Meth.
 
And send us some money.
 
 
*Any similarity to Anwar al-Awlaki is strictly coincidental.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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