ROTARY CALLERS, PLEASE STAY ON THE LINE. AND WHILE YOU'RE ON THE LINE, PONDER THIS: WHAT IS A "ROTARY CALLER" AND WHY ARE YOU ONE? DO YOU TURN A CRANK TO START UP YOUR CAR? DO YOU EVEN OWN A CAR? WHAT KIND OF A CAR DO YOU OWN? IS IT AN EDSEL? DOES IT HAVE CUP HOLDERS? YOU KNOW THAT IT DOESN'T! WHY DO YOU PRETEND THAT IT DOES? WHEN YOU DRIVE UP TO THE TOLLBOOTH, DO YOU SAY TO THE TOLLTAKER (BECAUSE WE KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE ONE OF THOSE TRANSPONDER GADGETS VELCROED TO YOUR WINDSHIELD, OH, YES, WE KNOW!) DO YOU EVER SAY: "CAST YOUR EYES AWAY FROM MY EDSEL; IT IS TOO HIDEOUS, AS IT HAS NO CUPHOLDERS"? OR DO YOU JUST KEEP TO THE BACK ROADS TO SAVE A BUCK TWENTY-FIVE (MORE IF YOUR EDSEL HAS AN EXTRA AXEL) AND AVOID THE EMASCULATION? DO YOU DRIVE AROUND AND AROUND THROUGH THE FORESTS AT NIGHT LOOKING VAINLY FOR THE PATH OF BREADCRUMBS YOU DROPPED BEHIND YOU SO AS NOT TO GET LOST ON THE RETURN TRIP, ONLY TO GROW TIRED, SLOUCHING IN THE BACK SEAT OF YOUR EDSEL, WHISPERING A PATHETIC KIND OF FALSETTO INTO THE MOUTHPIECE OF YOUR ROTARY PHONE, "OPERATOR I THINK MAYBE I JUST HEARD A BEAR," BUT REALLY, IT WAS JUST A CHIPMUNK (THE ONE, BTW, WHO ATE YOUR PUNY, LITTLE BREADCRUMBS), WELL, DO YOU? IF YOU REARRANGE THE LETTERS THAT SPELL "CHIPMUNK" AND GET RID OF SOME OF THE BULKY ONES, YOU END UP WITH "CHUMP." FITTING, WOULDN'T YOU SAY? AND WHAT ABOUT SOMETIMES YOU TRY TO DIAL THE NUMBER WITH A PENCIL, BUT IT SLIPS OUT OF YOUR HAND BEFORE IT REACHES THE INTENDED NUMBER, AND THE DIAL GOES CAREENING BACK TO ITS HOME BASE AND YOU HAVE TO HANG UP AND START ALL OVER AGAIN? IS IT ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU SAY: "TO HECK WITH THE DARN THING?"