THINK WE CAN'T HYPNOTIZE YOU? WE JUST DID.

Warning

     Never consent to be hypnotized by anyone claiming that you cannot be hypnotized into falling in love with them or giving them a mortgage on your home while under hypnosis.  This is utter nonsense of the highest magnitude, and such persons are charlatans. Never consent to be hypnotized absent a quid pro quo. A song from the era of the crooners (Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis...OK, not Jerry Lewis -- sorry, France) instructed:  "The Best Things in Life Are Free."  This, too, is a croc.  The best things in life cost plenty, and top-notch hypnosis is no exception.  Anyone who tells you that they will hypnotize you and expect nothing in return is a fraud or a fool or a frool. Never trust any hypnotist who claims that they have only your best interest at heart and would never, ever take advantage of you or humiliate you while you were under their spell (e.g., asking you to disrobe and reveal all of your secret passcodes and the like while they filmed the whole sordid affair).  Ha ha!  What a joke! Anyone who feeds you this line is surely not a certified hypnotist, and may, in fact, be dangerous, and should be reported to the authorities, or, at the very least, to Oprah Winfrey. Anyone who claims that you will feel "refreshed" or "at peace" or "safe" upon your re-ascent to the conscious world, instead of, say, violated in some vague and ambiguous way that you can't quite put your finger on (because you were under hypnosis when it occurred, but you have a nagging feeling that it, in fact, occurred) is a bald-faced liar and a shanda to the profession, to boot. Never sign any contract agreeing to release the hypnotist from all liability in connection with the procedure until after you are in a hypnotic state.  In fact, never sign any contract with the hypnotist at all until after you are in the hypnotic state. Disregard all assertions that you cannot be hypnotized on-line. Poppycock, if we may be permitted to say so. Do not confuse us real hypnotists for politicians (though you may surely see several similarities) or bond traders, or diet gurus or just plain old gurus. A real hypnotist will not guarantee preposterous results such as (South Africa). Indeed, you will see no results whatsoever, and until and unless you begin to sense that you have been ripped off or otherwise taken for the grandest of rides arising from your interaction with the hypnotist, you can be assured that the process has been a monumental failure. If you have been dedicated to a pre-conceived notion, or any notion, so conceived and so dedicated, that you will profit in even the most imperceptible of ways from the exercise in which you are about to engage, allow us to disabuse you of that notion anon.   Do not thank us for our brutal sincerity.  Your gratitude is of no moment, and besides, we cannot take it to the bank. But cry not for us (Argentina).  We shall have our just desserts at the after-party. 

Acknowledgement  

      I acknowledge that, at best, I skimmed the above-referenced WARNING, and likely, did not read it at all, but even if I did read it, did not understand the half of it, because I am lazy and impulsive, and want instant gratification just like everyone else, and have pretty much come to the conclusion that You are judgment-proof, anyway, so what difference does it make.

Definitions

     Wherever the term "You" appears, it shall refer to a jug of wine and a loaf of bread.  Wherever the term "We" appears in shall be understood in the royal sense where the context so requires.  Wherever the singular form appears, it shall be construed and understood to incorporate the plural and vice versa. Likewise, when it is good and ready and not before, the masculine form will get to the "to do list" so meticulously prepared by the feminine form, and memorialized on little paper notes affixed, ingeniously, to the masculine form's garments hanging innocently in the closet and also stuffed, furtively, in the pockets of the aforesaid. 

Terms of Use

     After many hours of careful and dedicated study, "We" have determined that the Terms of Use of the "Girls Gone Wild" franchise are hereby adopted and incorporated herein by reference. The Girls are, likewise, adopted.   By agreeing to be hypnotized by "We," "You" hereby consent to do that which we suggest, no matter to what degree your disbelief must be suspended, willingly or otherwise.  If you are 18 or younger, Mazel Tov.

Miscellaneous

     Odds and ends, chotchkes, as it were.

     Mumbo Jumbo

     Doubtlessyoufeelthat"You"aresmarterthan"We"areandareincapableofbeinghypnotizedbutpointoffactyouhavebeeninahypnoticstatesincethedayyouwerebornandareassusceptibletomanipulationasanyonenomatterhowmuchyouresistsostopwastingourtimeand goaheadandsignonthedottedlineandsureweacceptEurosasaformofpayment"You"love"We"because"We"areirresistablesendusallyourmoneydoitnowdoitnowdoitnowyouaregettingsleepyaren'tyou?When youawakeyouwillfeelrefreshedbutalsovaguelyrippedoffdon'tworryit'snatural.