THE ROBO-CALL THAT CAUSED ME TO FINALLY DECIDE…TO DISCONNECT THE PHONE AND LOCK ALL THE DOORS.

Hi!  This is Marv Flanken with one “K.” I’m running for Village Perambulator and I’d appreciate your vote this Wednesday, November 8 when we all go to the polls to…hold on.  Hold on.

LUCILLE!

I’M ON THE PHONE!

 I..WHAT?

IT IS?

IT IS!?

ARE YOU SURE!?

IT IS!?

ARE YOU SURE!?

OK. Ok. Ok.

DON’T GET YOUR CUHNICKERS ALL IN A TWIST!

SHEESH!

Hi!  This is Marv Flanken with one “K.” I’m running for Village Perambulator and I’d appreciate your vote this  TUESDAY, November 7 when we all go to the polls to throw out the old bums and replace them with new ones. 

My opponent, Merv Flunkken (with 2 “Ks”), has been slinging a lot of mud in the last days of this campaign. For one thing, he sucked a whole bunch of helium out of some kids’ balloons and then did his own robo-call in a Donald Duck kind of voice pretending to me and claiming that I hate puppies and children, which is a blatant falsehood.

 I do not hate puppies.

I also saw some of his campaign workers stealing my yard signs, which is why we now chain them to people’s fences and front doors.

Do not be fooled by my opponent. He is desperate and will do anything to win. But, no mater how low he stoops, I will  not resort to the same kind of foul play. And I certainly won’t repeat the rumor that he was disqualified from running for perambulator in 3 neighboring towns for cheating on the perambulator’s licensing exam.

If elected perambulator by you, I promise to…to…hold on please…

LUCILE! LUCILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE!

GET THE CAT! HE’S THROWING UP ON THE RUG!

WHAT!?

NO, YOU GET HIM!  I ALREADY TOLD YOU; I’M IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING HERE!

WHAT!?  I DON’T CARE!

JUST KICK HIM OUT THE DOOR!

WHAT!?

HE WON’T RUN AWAY!

NO HE WON’T!

CHAIN HIM TO A DAMN YARD SIGN OR SOMETHING!

I DON'T KNOW!  GRAB HIM BY THE NECK!

NO!  THAT'S THE TAIL! IT'S..YEAH...

GOT HIM!?  OK!  GOOD!

GET HIM OUT OF HERE!  HE STINKS!

Hi!  This is Marv Flanken with…Oh, I read that already.

If elected perambulator by you, I promise to execute the duties of the office faithfully and not resign midway through my term to run for Congress.

I hope I can count on your vote this Wed…uh..Tues…uh…when the polls open.

IS THAT YOU AT THE DOOR, LUCILLE!?

WHAT!?  YOU’RE LOCKED OUT!?

HOLD ON, I…I SAID HOLD ON!!! (Gawd awmighty!)

Remember, that’s Flanken with one “k.”

Look for my yard signs.  You  can’t miss ‘em.

And you sure as hell can’t remove ‘em.

I SAID I’M COMING!!!!  DON’T HAVE A COW!!

This is Marv Flanken signing off.

A perambulator you can count on.

With one hand.

Thanks for your support.

That’s “Flanken.” 

Like the meat.

Again.  I repeat.

One "k."

Thank you.

OK, LUCILLE.  I SAID I WAS COMI