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This is a PURPLE, OBLONG-shaped TABLET imprinted with RAOTFALMAO-72 on the front.
ANTI-TROMBENIK -oral (ANTI-TROM'-BE-NƏK)
USES:
This medication is used to prevent or treat pomposity in blowhards who have deluded themselves into the belief that, but for them and the implementation of their half-baked schemes, the Earth's axial rotation would be askew, and the rest of us would be irreparably harmed as a result. Usually symptoms develop whenever the seductive sound of one's own voice supplants the attraction of rational thought, bona fide scholarship, and the kind of first-hand experience that enables one to actually know something about that which is being discussed. Sometimes referred to as Big Macher Syndrome, the condition is most prevalent in persons who, for the ostensible purpose of whipping up a froth of excitement, exhort underlings and devotees to dangerous, ill-conceived, or reckless acts that they themselves wouldn't be caught dead attempting in a million years because they are too self-important, and the movement can't risk the loss of its inspirational leader. Besides, that's what the little people are for. ANTI-TROMBENIK is also used to treat decibel indifference disorder (the state being oblivious to the discomfiture resulting from incessantly inflicting one's opinions loudly on others, particularly those who have no readily-accessible means of escape, such as wheel-bound hamsters, subway riders, and the populations of elevators stuck between floors).
HOW TO USE:
Take this medication by mouth. Contrary to the literal impression that might, at first blush, be conveyed by the preceding imperative phrase, it is recommended that hands be enlisted to assist the mouth in the delivery of the medication to the bloodstream. Clinical trials have demonstrated that use of the mouth, alone, to attempt to unseal the safety cap, dispose of the gratuitous cotton stuffed in the bottle, and extract and dispense the appropriate dosage, has a failure rate of one hundred per cent. ANTI-TROMBENIK may be taken with or without food, provided that there is some universal agreement regarding the definition of that term, or, more precisely, those substances that are excluded from the definition. These include: Pez, chicklets, and snuff. Dosing recommendations vary widely, depending on whether you are susceptible to pretension by doing things like cultivating a fake highbrow accent when ordering sable and whitefish salad or using the binary system to count. Ask your doctor whether anybody considers such affectations to be cute. If your doctor answers in the affirmative, seek advice from a practitioner whose license is not under suspension -- or ought to be. Taking more than the recommended dosage is a little like reading ahead. No one likes a show-off. Your doctor may need to adjust your dosage if you are given over to bouts of appropriating for yourself the moral authority to lecture everybody else (especially in letters to the editor -- even if you cannot spell), and to browbeat them into thinking that, unless their opinions align with your peculiar political theories, they are "trolls." Avoid eating froth aforesaid while taking this medication. In fact, avoid froth altogether.
SIDE EFFECTS:
Writing self-aggrandizing memoirs and gushing about the virtues of mercury-powered "energy-saving" light bulbs are the most common side effects. Other side effects include nausea and vomiting. We threw those in there because these seem to be the most popular side effects. We also debated whether to include diarrhea (another perennial favorite), but in the end, ruled it out, because there just wasn't enough room on the label, and the discussion about how to spell it became very ugly, indeed. Now some of us are not talking to others of us. If you experience any of these side effects, stop taking this medication immediately, organize a book reading, and, if anybody shows up, drop all sorts of names to give the impression that you hobnob with important people. Also call your doctor or pharmacist. If they happen to be free, invite them to the reading, but be prepared for them to act entitled, as though they don't have to buy a book. Do not panic, as they will cave before the evening is out provided all the exits are locked and the wine and cheese hold.
PRECAUTIONS:
Before taking this medication, pour a little on a test area of the carpet in an obscure corner of the room and wait five minutes. If the carpet becomes discolored or starts telling off-color jokes, or if you vomit on the test area, do not take this medication. Consult your doctor and local law enforcement before trading this medication openly on the black market. Do not take this medication while operating machinery (such as a frother). Running for elective office or practicing law under the influence of this medication is contraindicated.
DRUG INTERACTIONS:
Please give your doctor or pharmacist a complete list of other drugs you are taking, as most other medications are of the opinion that ANTI-TROMBENIK is rude and obnoxious, making seating arrangements a veritable nightmare. Your doctor can often prevent or manage interactions by changing the subject, but not always, because not everyone has a favorite color or likes ponies.
KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN WHO ARE ALWAYS ASKING YOU TO BUY THEM PRESENTS.
This prescription may be refilled 13 times before somebody starts to realize that it isn't doing anything.
ANTI-TROMBENIK -oral (ANTI-TROM'-BE-NƏK)
USES:
This medication is used to prevent or treat pomposity in blowhards who have deluded themselves into the belief that, but for them and the implementation of their half-baked schemes, the Earth's axial rotation would be askew, and the rest of us would be irreparably harmed as a result. Usually symptoms develop whenever the seductive sound of one's own voice supplants the attraction of rational thought, bona fide scholarship, and the kind of first-hand experience that enables one to actually know something about that which is being discussed. Sometimes referred to as Big Macher Syndrome, the condition is most prevalent in persons who, for the ostensible purpose of whipping up a froth of excitement, exhort underlings and devotees to dangerous, ill-conceived, or reckless acts that they themselves wouldn't be caught dead attempting in a million years because they are too self-important, and the movement can't risk the loss of its inspirational leader. Besides, that's what the little people are for. ANTI-TROMBENIK is also used to treat decibel indifference disorder (the state being oblivious to the discomfiture resulting from incessantly inflicting one's opinions loudly on others, particularly those who have no readily-accessible means of escape, such as wheel-bound hamsters, subway riders, and the populations of elevators stuck between floors).
HOW TO USE:
Take this medication by mouth. Contrary to the literal impression that might, at first blush, be conveyed by the preceding imperative phrase, it is recommended that hands be enlisted to assist the mouth in the delivery of the medication to the bloodstream. Clinical trials have demonstrated that use of the mouth, alone, to attempt to unseal the safety cap, dispose of the gratuitous cotton stuffed in the bottle, and extract and dispense the appropriate dosage, has a failure rate of one hundred per cent. ANTI-TROMBENIK may be taken with or without food, provided that there is some universal agreement regarding the definition of that term, or, more precisely, those substances that are excluded from the definition. These include: Pez, chicklets, and snuff. Dosing recommendations vary widely, depending on whether you are susceptible to pretension by doing things like cultivating a fake highbrow accent when ordering sable and whitefish salad or using the binary system to count. Ask your doctor whether anybody considers such affectations to be cute. If your doctor answers in the affirmative, seek advice from a practitioner whose license is not under suspension -- or ought to be. Taking more than the recommended dosage is a little like reading ahead. No one likes a show-off. Your doctor may need to adjust your dosage if you are given over to bouts of appropriating for yourself the moral authority to lecture everybody else (especially in letters to the editor -- even if you cannot spell), and to browbeat them into thinking that, unless their opinions align with your peculiar political theories, they are "trolls." Avoid eating froth aforesaid while taking this medication. In fact, avoid froth altogether.
SIDE EFFECTS:
Writing self-aggrandizing memoirs and gushing about the virtues of mercury-powered "energy-saving" light bulbs are the most common side effects. Other side effects include nausea and vomiting. We threw those in there because these seem to be the most popular side effects. We also debated whether to include diarrhea (another perennial favorite), but in the end, ruled it out, because there just wasn't enough room on the label, and the discussion about how to spell it became very ugly, indeed. Now some of us are not talking to others of us. If you experience any of these side effects, stop taking this medication immediately, organize a book reading, and, if anybody shows up, drop all sorts of names to give the impression that you hobnob with important people. Also call your doctor or pharmacist. If they happen to be free, invite them to the reading, but be prepared for them to act entitled, as though they don't have to buy a book. Do not panic, as they will cave before the evening is out provided all the exits are locked and the wine and cheese hold.
PRECAUTIONS:
Before taking this medication, pour a little on a test area of the carpet in an obscure corner of the room and wait five minutes. If the carpet becomes discolored or starts telling off-color jokes, or if you vomit on the test area, do not take this medication. Consult your doctor and local law enforcement before trading this medication openly on the black market. Do not take this medication while operating machinery (such as a frother). Running for elective office or practicing law under the influence of this medication is contraindicated.
DRUG INTERACTIONS:
Please give your doctor or pharmacist a complete list of other drugs you are taking, as most other medications are of the opinion that ANTI-TROMBENIK is rude and obnoxious, making seating arrangements a veritable nightmare. Your doctor can often prevent or manage interactions by changing the subject, but not always, because not everyone has a favorite color or likes ponies.
KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN WHO ARE ALWAYS ASKING YOU TO BUY THEM PRESENTS.
This prescription may be refilled 13 times before somebody starts to realize that it isn't doing anything.
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