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The War Blog
This is the comment section to our ongoing blog about the Trojan War written by our senior columnist, Homer. According to sources, Supreme Allied Commander, Odysseus, recently arrived in Ithaca in the dead of night. The major messenger services have been reporting all day that Odysseus, relying on an underground (in the figurative sense – not the dead one), found his way to the hut of one of his own former slaves, the swineherd, Eumaeus, and that he was met there by Athena who reportedly disguised him as a wandering beggar in order to learn how things stand in his household.
Readers react.
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1. 1. Peisistratus, Syracuse
Why are we still talking about this old fart? By the gods! That stupid war ended 10 years ago! And during the ten that it lasted, it seemed like it was never going to end! And how many drachmas did we squander on that pointless exercise!? We never should have gotten involved in the first place. Now this guy comes back to haunt us!? Tell him to swim back to Calypso Island since he obviously loves it there so much. What was he doing there all that time, anyway? I’m sure his wife, Penelope would like to know. The rest of us don’t care.
[recommended by 10 readers and by 27 people who had the comment read to them because they are swineheards and never learned how to read]
2. 2. Telemachus, Ithaca
Just returned from an Assembly of Citizens where, naturally, everybody claims to have seen Odysseus disappearing behind a tree or in his beggar disguise. Yeah, right! I’ve been all over Ithaca today, and I swear by Zeus, he aint here. Sorry folks. As per usual, the story is over-hyped by an overly-ambitious journalist piecing together sketchy field reports from the safety of his villa. C’mon, Tattler! We thought you were better than this!
[recommended by 47 readers and by 63 people who had the comment read to them because they are uneducated slaves]
3. 3. Menelaus, Sparta
Odysseus is war criminal! He deserve to be brought to a stadium some place and kicked like dog and have to read Iliad or something until he keel over. He no better than dog! Typical warmongering Greek! Ha! Only care about ethnic cleanse and stealing lands!
[recommended by 3 readers and by 1 person who had the comment read to him because he is a foreigner and it’s all Greek to him – even though it kind of isn’t]
4. 4. Nestor, Athens
To Menelaus (no. 4) of Sparta: Excuse me!? A Spartan accusing someone else of being a warmonger? Are you kidding me!? Have you looked at your reflection in a pool of still water, lately? BTW, where did you learn to write Greek? In a phalanx? Go back to the Academy – if you can even find it on a parchment!
[recommended by 233 readers and by 73 people who had the comment read to them because they will never be in the ruling classes and so don’t need an education]
5. 5. The “Oracle,” Delphi
I can’t believe I’m agreeing with a bleeding heart from Syracuse, but have to say Peisistratus (no. 1) has got the bull by the horns. Why were we rushed into the Trojan War? Because the “great” Odysseus needed a casus belli so he sold the Citizens some trumped up allegations that there was some funny business going on with Helen. And meanwhile, after all that blood and treasure was spent, what did we find -- some sirens? Big whoop. I hate to say “I told you so,” but, ahem…See above, next to “Delphi.”
[recommended by 412 readers and by 114 people who had the comment read to them because they were thrown over a cliff as punishment for insulting Poseidon]
To the “Oracle” (no. 5) do you ever do anything other than post on this board? Whenever there’s a debate (which, in Greece, is like every 3 minutes), you’re there like sundial-work. And you always, allegedly have way more “likes” than anybody else. I know the Tattler has a big lefty following, but this is a little too convenient. Are you just sitting around sending in your own “likes” to make it look like you have a big following that actually exists only metaphysically? And one more thing, what is a casus belli? What kind of stupid language does that come from?
[recommended by 1 reader]
7.
Ac 7. Achilles, Ismaros
I’m distressed by some of these jingoistic comments. You can make fun of people’s writing style, but the fact remains, Odysseus is a pirate. Always was. Always will be. To no. 4 of Athens, you may be a well-heeled city slicker, but that doesn’t make you right. Who do you think pushed the people into that disastrous war, anyway? I’ll tell you who -- the same Lobby who have the Parthenon in their pocket – or would have -- if togas had pockets, but you know what I mean. Do you ever see them with a sword and shield on the frontlines? No! Because they’re always skulking in between columns at the agora, glad-handing rhetoricians, whispering, and cultivating grapes for their “special” rituals. Odysseus is just their puppet, like everybody else. Do I have to spell it out on a wax tablet?
[recommended by 196 readers and by 312 indentured servants who are too busy working in the salt mines to pay off debts which, in fact, will never be paid off in their lifetimes – even though the concept of compounded interest is still somewhat primitive]
8. 8. Hermes, Olympia
Ever since I got word that Odysseus was rumored to be in Ithaca, my mind has been going non-stop like a winged creature. What does this even mean? The reports are conflicting. One messenger showed up in the square and said it means war. Another claimed it means peace. Yet another bounded into town out of breath after running 26.2 miles to get here, and dropped dead before he had a chance to say anything. I guess his humors were out of whack. What I’ve learned from this is you can’t believe everything you hear – espec. if you don’t hear it because the guy who was going to say something for you to hear dropped dead. Keep an open mind is all I’m saying. This story is still being written – or sung, actually, but you take my point.
[recommended by 44 readers and by 12 people who actually know how to read but would rather listen to an old blind guy sitting on a rock and strumming a harp. Strange.]
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