Sunday, August 21, 2011

If wars were won or lost on the strength of the number of times a nation's citizens used the word "awesome" as a superlative, we would win every war. AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sarte said "Hell is other people."  Here are the transcripts to prove it.


[Ring! Ring!] Ooops.  Sorry, I meant [Elephant Walk Ring Tone].


Sarte: Hello? Who's this?

Simone:      You know who it is! Simone de Beauvoir.  You want to have lunch or what?


Sarte:   G-d no!  That sounds awful!  It sounds like hell!

Simone:  Sarte! You're such an asshole! Why do you even own a telephone?  I'm hanging up!


[Click!]


[Star Wars Theme Ring Tone].

Sarte: Oh for the love of...Now what!?  Hello?  Who is this?


Greta:     It's Greta Garbo.  I just called to tell you that I want to be alone!


Sarte: Well, I want to be alone, too! Other people are hell!

Greta: Well, alright, then!

Sarte: Well, alright, yourself!

Greta: I'm hanging up.  I shan't call you again.

Sarte: I should hope not! Other people are hell! Hello?  Hello?  Gee, I can't believe she hung up.

[Click!]

[It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp Ring Tone].

Sarte: Are you kidding me with this, already!?  Hello?  Who's there!?

U.S.:  It's me, Ulysses S. Grant. I called to tell you that war is hell!

Sarte: What are you  talking about!?  Other people are hell!

U.S. Well, what do you think war is? War is people condemning other people to hell.

Sarte: Other people are hell.  

U.S.That's what I said!

Sarte:  No!  That's what I  said.  You said " war is hell. "

U.S.: Well war is hell!

Sarte:  You're giving me a headache.  Thereby proving my point.

U.S.: I'm hanging up.

Sarte:  You're too late!  I already hung up!

[Click!]

[Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard Ring Tone].

Sarte: Simone was right.  I should have ix-nayed on the elephone-tay! Yeah?  Who's there?

BM: It's me, Bashar al Assad and I have  Muammar Khadaffi on the line.  Say hello, Muammar. 

Sarte:  What do you want? I was in the middle of thinking about sticking my head in the oven when you called.


BM: When you said that other people are hell, did you have us in mind?

Sarte: Actually, I had my family of origin in mind.  But come to think of it, you two pretty much are the poster boys.

BM: Well did you ever think about T-shirts?  You know like, "Life is Good"   only different.

Sarte: You  two should take your act on the road.  Seriously.  You crack me up!

BM:  One more thing, is hell capitalized?


Sarte:  Only in Hell.

BM: AWESOME!  See, Muammar!  I told you we spelled it right!

[Click]

Sarte:   "Awesome?How infantile is that? U.S. was right.   War is hell.  But so are other people.

[Springtime for Hitler Ringtone]

Sarte: Sarte, here.  This call is being monitored for quality assurance.

BMIt's us, again.  We need a place to live.  Can we stay with you until some lunatic government grants us asylum?

Sarte: Nope.  Sorry. Policy.  I can't live with other people.

BM:  Why not?

Sarte: Other people are hell. And the thought of people like you is so hellish, I can't even bear it.

BM: Well, we were gonna come over.  But now I guess we won't.

Sarte: Awesome! 

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