Only on the Groovy Network

TONIGHT'S LINE-UP ON CHANNEL 127 (THE "GROOVY" NETWORK)

(All times Nova Scotian)

5:00 P.M.: "The News With Brucey Patterson"
The flamboyant social critic delivers his take on the day's events with sass and attitude.

5:30 P.M.: "Microwaving with Betty Sue"
Healthy Eats for people who don't know how to cook -- or to eat.

6:00 P.M.: "How to Dress Like a Queen"
Hubert, Tommy, and Frederico provide personalized tips for the sartorially-challenged.

7:00 P.M.: "Help, I'm Too Fat for My Couch!"
Overweight wives discuss their loves and peeves while sampling a wide assortment of chocolates.

8:00 P.M.: "Yo, the Bride is a B**ch"
Engaged women with chips on their shoulders and poles up their a**es throw tantrums and storm out of a variety of venues.

9:00 P.M.: "OH...MY...GOD!"
Young people engage in a series of shenanigans that provide fodder for the eponymous punchline.

10:00 P.M. "Petal Pugilists"
The country's most creative flower arrangers face off in the pressure-cooker atmosphere of elimination competition. Hosted by the "Sunflower King." Lots of crying and wimpering by the losers.

10:30 P.M. "From Dump(tious) to Scrump(tious)"
Kelley and Todd have only 45 minutes to turn a decorating disaster into a den of delectable delisciousness. All New!

11:30 P.M.: "Oh No, You Didn't Just Say That!"
Clueless Sissy and Winnie go on shopping sprees and confound everyone they meet with utterly outrageous and hilarious non-sequiturs.

12:00 A.M.: "The Roundtable"
Host Jarrod Bernstein, a world-renowned political scientist and anthropologist, engages a different Nobel prize winner each week in an erudite and stimulating discussion about topics covered in esoteric academic journals. (repeats at 1:00 A.M.).

Only on the Groovy Network!