HIYLH WANTS TO KNOW – WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

Alexander the Great – Conquered half of what he and his family thought of as the known world by the age of 18 around 336 B.C.E.  Everyone who was around in 336 B.C.E. agreed that he was full of vim and vigor, and probably could have had his own cooking show if he wasn’t always so busy conquering. Half of the known world was his oyster. And though he never went to Harvard, he was home-schooled by Aristotle, who was no slouch in the Classics. 

Here is Alex relaxing in his father’s pool with

an inflatable horse.

He hasn’t been heard from much of late, and so HIYLH asks:

Where is he now?

He dead,  yo.

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Shaka kaSenzangakhona  (also known as Shaka[ Zulu) was the most influential leader of the Zulu Kingdom in southern Africa in the early 1800s of the common era. He convinced a lot of the Northern Nguni people, specifically the Mtetwa Paramountcy and the Ndwandwe to stop writing disparaging remarks about each other on tree bark and skip the ridiculous lines of the Magic Kingdom in favor of the much hipper Zulu Kingdom.





Here is Shaka demonstrating a hand-held satellite dish.

Shaka hasn’t had a number in the top 40 for quite a spell, so naturally, HIYLH wants to know:

Where is he now?

He so dead.

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Catherine II, also known as Catherine the Great, also known as Catherine Roman Numeral Two, is considered the most renowned and the longest-ruling female leader of Russia.  Under her leadership, the serfs got a new wardrobe. The rumors of Catherine’s equine shenanigans have been wildly exaggerated, but they persist.

Here is Catherine prior to having a little work done.

When was the last time you saw Catherine on a magazine cover, such as Shape or Time Out? or even The National Enquirer? Can you remember?  We sure can’t.  So we’ve just gotta inquire:

Where is she now?

She dead, Kee-moh-sab.

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Confucius, Chinese politician, teacher, editor, and social philosopher of the Spring and Autumn Period of Chinese history seems to be everywhere. His followers competed successfully with many other schools during the Hundred Schools of Thought era only to be suppressed in favor of the Legalists during the Qin Dynasty. Following the victory of Han over Chu after the collapse of Qin, Confucius's thoughts received official sanction from Do over the objections of Rey, who locked Me and Fah in a closet to enable So to advance in the debating semi-finals, to no avail, because Lah triumphed, anyway. Confucius’ coined his personal tagline: "Do not do to others what you do not want done to yourself" after a friend entered him in an Ultimate Fighting competition as a gag.

Here is Confucius looking a jot stiff


That may be fitting, because when we asked:

Where is he now?

We found out:

He stone,  cold dead Mistuh Jones.


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Montezuma:  Let's put it this way, you're an Aztec and you got a gripe.  You're tired of spilling to the local priest.  It's always the same old, same old:  "eat somebody's liver and call me in the morning." The neighbors party all night and day,  and you're so sleep-deprived you might just do something crazy, like use one of their heads for a soccer ball. You're getting nowhere with the local corrupt officials who are great at building pyramids to the sun and the moon, but meanwhile, try getting a street paved. When you want to get things done around here, who you gonna call?  Montezuma, that's who! He may not do windows (for one thing, there aren't any), but he does plenty of other things, and when he snaps his fingers, stuff happens.  This is the guy you need in your corner.

When Montezuma first modeled the diaper 'n cloak look, he thought it would be a huge hit.  He was wrong about that, but that's OK, he was right about other things.

Montezuma's voicemail box has been full for a few hundred years, so lately we've been wondering:

Where is he now?

He past tense,  muh man!

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HIYLH: is published irregularly and fills a large void on the Internet.  Until it exploded on the scene, there was no meaningless crap on the World Wide Web.  Hasn't been heard from in some time, so somebody with nothing better to do might ask, where is it now?

Hello!  We still not dead yet!