Lost and Found in the Cloakroom at the Cheese Maker’s

Found

A letter addressed to “whom it may so concern” wanting to know why the cheese maker has a cloakroom, and  recycling some rather tired and sophomoric jokes about cheese. Also found: The overcoat in whose interior pocket the missive in question was discovered.  The item(s) may be claimed at the cloakroom.

Found

Microfilm, a spy camera disguised as a tie clip, and other espionage paraphernalia (along with sketches and diagrams of some of our top secret manufacturing and aging methods).  During a routine cleaning, the aforementioned tumbled out from under the lid of a decorative artificial pumpkin hard by the tip jar, and were sealed in an envelope labeled “W. Chambers.” Inquiries are to be made at the front desk.

Lost

A keychain in the shape of a miniature  wedge of Swiss cheese atop a miniature cutting board bearing the legend: “Liberté, égalité, From” (the engraver did not have sufficient room to complete the thought).  A generous reward is offered for information leading to the safe return of this keepsake. Please contact Mr. Tinsleydale at Box 6.

Found

A first edition hardcover original of “Things Fall Apart” by Chinua Achebe, dog-eared, covered with coffee stains, and containing an inscription in blood & ink signed by the author. Note: The binding is starting to fail, and the pages are in danger of falling out. Note in addition: The book was in mint condition when it was rescued from the satchel belonging to the owner or owners unknown who forgot to check to make certain it was there upon reclaiming the satchel.  We do not know how the coffee stains, inter alia, got there, and disclaim all responsibility for this and everything else.

Lost

A shoelace. Plus, the other shoelace.  Plus, left shoe.  Plus, right shoe. Plus, socks (left + right), a pair of underpants, a pair of trousers, a shirt, and an I.D. badge from the Museum of Flannel. Please send asap to the county jail where, upon waking up,  I was hauled off after being charged with lewd and lascivious behavior. My court-appointed counsel says these things are rather critical to my defense.

Lost

A keychain in the shape of  the end-piece of a miniature cutting board engraved with the legend age.  None of us are quite certain what it refers to, but we have grown rather fond of it and would like it back.

Found

A suit of armor, and a pair of jodhpurs. (Under the circumstances, the jodhpurs seem rather superfluous, but whom are we to editorialize? We’re just the coat check people at a cheese factory). The collection may be retrieved from the cloakroom.

Found

A riding crop. (Could it be that this particular article accidentally became separated from a set of jodhpurs recently left on the premises?  Odder things have happened.) Please inquire at the front desk.

Found

A gold watch. The face is graced with ebony Roman numerals set against an ivory background incorporating a little square window where the III should be to allow the display of the date. Underneath the XII at the top appears the label: “Genève 1892.”  On the reverse is the following inscription:  “Liberté, égalité, Age!”  The wristband is a dark leather and contains seven pinholes, one of which is slightly larger than the others due, presumably, to over-use. The watchmaker’s name, “Melies et Fils” is etched around the left side of the casing.  Because of the apparent value of this timepiece, it will be surrendered only to a person who can give an accurate description of it.  Please inquire at the front desk.

Found

A pair of riding boots and a lance.

Lost

A half-finished glass of Sancerre. I put it down, momentarily on the ledge of the Dutch door of the coatroom so that I could fish around for some coinage to toss into the tip jar.  When I looked up, the glass was gone and the coat check person was looking at the ceiling and whistling while tapping a novel by Chinua Achebe violently with a riding crop, so I don’t see how she could have drunk it.

Found

A note tucked into the band of a gentleman’s hat. The note reads: “Col. Mustard in the library with a candlestick.  – A. Hiss.” (Could "A." stand for Age?).  The hat had about it no other clues as to its provenance. The note has been hidden inside a decorative object in the cloakroom for safekeeping.

Lost

A table setting from a picnic basket (including a plate, fork, knife, and spoon). On the plate is written:  “Ch.” On the fork is written “ee.” On the knife is written “se.” On the spoon written “ey.” Please help us locate it.  We need it to complete our set.

Found

1 from, 1 age, 1 chee, and 1 se. These may be claimed at the wine bar at closing tim

e.