Rap for my Zayde

:

(Intro)

Uhh, uh-huh, yeah, yeah
Had gad ya
It's all about the Zuzim, eh, boychick?
Had gad ya
It's all about the Zuzim, eh, boychick?
Mensches, uhh

Verse 1-

(Puff Zayde)

Now...yo, lantzmen, yo ho and feh!
Hangin' wit the shiksahs every nite and day?
Wanna be kvetchers? Paper fetchers?
Shtarkers -- who be dippin in the Benz wit the feinschmeckers -- yo!
On the low from Ike in the Taurus
Tryin to get my yedayim on the Grants like Maurice
Yeah, livin' large, all that treif chazzerai
BLT and lobster: Am Yisroel Chai!
But don't knock me for tellin' ye to stop
Pretendin' we can't see your goishe kop
Fingerin' the tchatzkies in the Christmas Tree Shops
Don't give it a second thought (what?), party til you plotz!
Drek the halls with ham spiced with ein biseleh cumin
e-vite Mr. Golf Pro mit Farbisseneh Punim
He'll show up at the same time as the ol' Makhatunim
It's all about the Zuzim, eh, what?
I get a fifty pound fresser plate for the village klutz
Five carats on my luppers mit die Antwerp cuts
Fugged about the shomer schtick, you'll be glad you did
Boychick, I am tellin' ya, s'iz shver tzu zein a yid

Uhh, uh-huh, yeah
Had gad ya
It's all about the Zuzim, eh, boychick?
Had gad ya
It's all about the Zuzim, eh, boychick?
Mensches, uhh


Verse 2-

(Judah-kiss)

I want a low-ridin' Lexus, so hot, I'm gonna schvitz
Drinkin' my plum brandy --say, what? my slivovitz
I miss Larry, Curly, Mo, I am so ferklempt
Got these lousy DVDs where Curly's always Shemp (huh!)
I'm so farblonjet
jus' wanna say "jet" (say what?)
jus' wanna "jet" to some place warm like, (uh!) Scottsdale

(Puff Zayde)

Whoa, Khaver, yo, Khaver, that's beyond the pale!

(Judah-kiss and Puff Zayde together)

Hoo Ha!

(Judah-kiss)

Yeah, yeah, keepin' it real, so hot I'm gonna melt
You got me so fermisht now, I'll do anything for gelt (Yo!)

I went to New Delhi, it aint so farshtinkener
But it aint so "new" and it got no good deli (Ironic!)
I asked for kasha varnishkeh; they give me calve's foot jelly!

(Puff Zayde)

Gevalt!

(Judah-kiss)

You tellin' me, Puff, it wasn't Second Avenue, and it wasn't haymish (uh!)
Gots to keep my homey's close, yo, gots to now, farshtay (uh!) ?
I can't come out to play now with no suicidal mane-ee (uh!)
Gots to hang with my mishpokhe
No more slummin in the souk (huh!)
You feel me, Hezbollah? (Yo!) You gettin' this, Hamas?
I got your number, Taliban, kush mir in tuchas

(Puff Zayde)

I'm kvelling, Judah Kiss, you lamden, (what?) Now that's Yiddisher kop!
Such shtik naches (huh!) It's all over the top.
I know it aint so easy, Kiss, I quote my Uncle Syd
"Ya gots ta keep on keepin' on, s'iz shver tzu zein a yid."

(Judah-kiss and Puff Zayde together):

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Huh! (say what?) Huh! (say what?)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Meshuggeneh!

(Judah-kiss): Say what?

Had gad ya
It's all about the Zuzim, eh, boychick?
Had gad ya
It's all about the Zuzimin, eh, boychick?