THE SHOCKING TRUTH ABOUT PEOPLE WHO CLAIM TO KNOW THE "SHOCKING TRUTH."

I like rain, cats, and dogs.

And when it's raining cats and dogs, I like taxi drivers who speak English and have change for a $100 bill on a $7 fare.

I like it when the person in front of me gets kicked out of the "10 Items or Fewer" aisle because the cashier counts each egg as an individual item.

I like it when I don't have to go to the circus and look at clowns.

I like it that so many are impressed by the fact that I can speak only one language.

I like getting the kinks out of the no-kink hose.

I like it when the birds don't bestow their good luck omens on my head.

I like letter carriers who have mastered the art of matching the address label on the envelope with the actual number on the mailbox.

I like swag. Even though nobody has ever given me any. or an award for anything. or a free upgrade. Why do you suppose this is?

I like elderly people on an overcrowded subway who give you a look that can only be interpreted to mean: "don't get up and offer me your seat. My doctor wants me to stand for a really long time on a crappy old train that jerks to a violent stop at every station."

I like being able to read people's minds and not getting charged for it.

When they start charging for mind reading, I'm going to read something else.

I like kitties who are always satisfied at any given moment.

Do you know any?

Some endings just leave you hanging.

I hate that.