Whuppahusset in the Off Season

The shoulder season, the period that begins directly after Labor Day when the disgruntled masses have flocked home to their tedious work-a-day lives, is the best time to save big on trips to the New England playground of Whuppahusset Island.  Bargains abound for the astute skinflint.

The name “Whuppahusset” comes from the ancient tribal language of the original inhabitants and means roughly: “Nobody loves you but your Mama, and she may be jiving, too.” It has become the unofficial motto of the place, although the reasons remain a mystery.

Located just 18 miles from the mainland, Whuppahusset is easily reached by ferry operated by the state Steamship Authority.  While prices for motorized vehicles are outrageous, the parsimonious traveller will have extra cash to spend ashore by packing light, going on foot, and riding in steerage belowdecks.  There are no amenities in this part of the boat, but the oxygen supply is recycled every 6 minutes or so making conditions for the passage serviceable, if not luxe

All ferries dock at the Whining Seal Wharf in Whuppahusset Town Harbor.  Whuppahusset Town, by far, the largest town on the island (the others are Whuppahasset, Huppawhusset, and the twin hamlets of Zippetydoodahusset and Zipperydodayhasset),  is the  commercial and tourist center.  (If you do bring a car to the island, remember that parking in town, while impossible to find, is technically free. Nonetheless, the local constabulary is tasked with filling a quota of tickets weekly for such infractions as parking too close to the curb, parking too far from the curb, parking on the curb, or having an ugly car. The proceeds from the fines for these misdemeanors support important island institutions, such as the local constabulary. 

The cheerful pre-colonial village is crisscrossed by three main cobblestoned thoroughfares:  King Street, Kings Street, and King’s Lane, all of which evoke its Royalist past.  These street names are an endless source of confusion to visitors and delight to locals. Several initiatives to rename the roads and erect distinguishing markers have all gone down in flames when put to a vote at Town meetings.

After disembarking from the ferry, head straight for the information booth at the end of the wharf for some free whimsical maps decorated with cartoonish drawings of marine life frolicking in the borders and a compass that, annoyingly, shows north at a tilt instead of straight up and down.  These maps are not drawn to scale and are of little actual use as navigation guides, but they make great souvenirs or placemats.  The information booth is staffed by retired truant officers whose gaps in knowledge about the land’s geography and customs are offset by vivid imaginations and dramatic presentations.

Be sure to ask for an itinerary for a self-guided walking tour. The town proper is relatively small and most people can complete a tour within 2 to 3 hours – provided a modicum of dawdling obtains. Thus, if you arrive on one of the morning boats and start immediately, you can complete the tour in time for lunch.  If you arrive on one of the late night boats, your tour will likely cause you to be stumbling around in the dark, and many of the points of interest will be shuttered.

First stop on your self-guided walking tour is the statue of Pluck at Sovereign Immunity Square (intersection of King Street, King’s Street, and King’s Lane, and site of many fender benders).  Pluck commemorates the story of Montague Spence who, at the age of 93, after a lifetime spent setting type for a ferryboat ticket office, ran away to sea to join the merchant marine. He died while being interrogated by a shipping agent before ever lifting a foot off the dock.  But the townsfolk were so moved by his indomitable spirit that they commissioned the monument. It shows the agent laughing at Spence’s curriculum vitae while Spence fishes around in his pocket for a hard candy. At the foot of the statue, Spence’s dog, Plucky, orphaned upon his master’s death, is touchingly depicted being adopted by a rich family who feed him from the table and let him get up on the bed and do whatever he wants.

Continue up King Street to the Thistle ‘N Whistle  (26 King Street.  243-9013) where master chef, Sky King, works magic with the island’s native cuisine, the thistle.  His “Thistle Three Ways” is a testament to the virtuosity of the thistle and is not to be missed.  Do not confuse this bistro with that of King’s twin brother, Wal King, whose competing establishment, the Whistle ‘N Thistle is around the corner (26 Kings Street.  243-9014).  The brothers’ culinary rivalry plays itself out in Wal’s “Thistle Four Ways.”  These brothers are always pushing the thistle envelope, and no one knows how experimental they will get.

Whuppahusset prides itself on being the first place anywhere to make wide use of the “Yes!  We’re Open!” placard in store windows, a fact you will soon learn (again) at the Museum of Store Signage (32 King’s Street. 243-9016 open daily 9-5). Other signs on display include prototypes of the sign “Sorry, we’re closed” and various notices of lien. The museum’s snack bar sells a surprisingly good thistle bisque.

Turn left on King’s Lane and finger the merchandise at the Thistle Market (46-93 King’s Lane, open daily from 7 am to 4 pm). To say there is a lot of thistle here is an understatement. There is a lot of thistle here.

At the end of the lane, turn right on King Street and proceed until it intersects with Kings Street. You’re at The Meat Locker (78 King Street at the intersection of Kings Street, 244-7641). Chef King Domcom has converted this former insane asylum into one of the hippest watering holes in town.  Many first-time visitors are surprised to learn that the establishment offers vegetarian fare only.  It used to be called the Thistlery, but when the air conditioning jammed, the patrons demanded a new moniker. Try the fried thistle.  It’s to die for.

Come! Come! Join the harvest!  The annual Thistle Harvest is on each year (hence, “annual”) at Black Fly Beach.  Organized by the Thistle Conservancy, these events are so popular in the autumn season that it seems as though the entire island turns out for them. (This is not the case, however, as the local constabulary stays behind to hand out parking tickets). Tourists can join the fun by purchasing collection baskets of varying shapes and sizes.  The carnival-like atmosphere also features face-painting, pony tricks, and other depressing activities for the children. In what is now a beloved island tradition, Black Fly Beach is also the site of the reenactment of the Oil Slick of Aught Four, a pageant commemorating an important moment in the island’s history, and presented as a public service by the Thistle Guild. At the end of each performance, the players throw mud balls at the audience.  Do not forget the bug spray! (Call 244-7655 to reserve a ticket or just to chat with one of the operators standing by).

Now that the harvest is safely in, time to see where the island’s favorite spirits are distilled. Head on over to The Thistillery (52 Kings Street. 244-7644).  In a clever play on words, this ancient and honorable establishment combines the island’s most important commodity with a reference to the vats where sour mash is made. The Thistillery has three tours daily at 1:00 pm, 3:00 pm, and 4:47 pm. (the last tour is abbreviated, as the joint closes at 5). Here, visitors can sample the lovely varietals of thistle used in the production of such regional favorites as Whuppahusset Red, which is actually a little brownish but still has a kick. The old wives tale about going blind from drinking too much of this product has been disproven, though quaffing a bottle will turn most people into blathering idiots. If you pay for the tastings, the mug is yours to keep or to attempt to sell.

The new fall theater season has begun in Whuppahusset. Take a little diversion to King’s Park (bounded by King Street, Kings Street, and King’s Lane) where for three weeks each September and October, Sheriff Bull “Chien” Sheet trots out the convicts from the village jail and forces them to perform musical entertainments for the day trippers besotted with Whuppahusset Red and other liquors. The captive thespians usually do musical adaptations of popular films interlaced with songs of their own devising. In past seasons, they have performed “Prisoner of Zenda,” “Prisoner of Zenda II,” and “Prisoner of Zenda III.” The apparent lack of variation appears to matter not a whit to the tourists fresh from enjoying their liquid refreshments at the Thistillery. This year, the troupe is slated to appear in “Prisoner of Zenda IV, the Sequel.”  (3 shows nightly, at 7:00 PM, 8:00 PM, and 9:PM. Call 244-9988 for tickets and show times.  Although, we just told you the show times). This is a perfect way to close out the day in Whuppahusset.  After the show, you can lie in the grass and watch the sun set over the harbor, the recycling center, and the sludge dump.

Before heading back to your B&B or H&O&T&E&L, stop off at one of Whuppahusset’s many fine and charming bawdy houses for a nightcap. Though perhaps not as glittery as its well-heeled competitors, Martha’s Vineyard, Nantucket, or the Hamptons, Whuppahusset is not without its share of luminaries, and you never know with whom you will rub shoulders.  Look, over there!  At the next table!  Is that a paralegal from the Patent and Trademark Office? Keep an autograph book on your person at all times. You’re with the in crowd now!

If you plan your trip carefully, you can see everything on your list until you are finished and want to go home. Whuppahusset is just the place for some of the people all of the time.

As always, safe travels.