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(HIYLH Blogging Live From the Festival International de Jazz De Montreal
The City of Montreal in southeastern Quebec, the mostly French-speaking province of Canada, is bounded on one side by the St. Lawrence River and on the other by the "Mont" mountain range, which includes Royal, Blanc, Teechristo, Teehall, and Tee Tee Tee. The French explorer, Jacques Cartier (whose girlfriend's name was Tiffany), founded the metropolis when he sailed up the river in search of a fountain of youth, or, if not a fountain, perhaps a nice, ornamental birdbath. Though he was unsuccessful in this endeavor, the trip was not a total bust, for Cartier was introduced to the native inhabitants of the land at a cocktail party, and, after an inspiring round of Fictionary, they demonstrated a method for growing diamonds in the fertile soil along the riverbank. (In his journal entry for June 30, 1534, Cartier wrote: "I was so certain that these people were cheating when they kept insisting that 'kreplach' was a real word. You could have knocked me over with a feather when they pointed to the definition in --not one, but -- two dictionaries of their own devising. They had strange customs, like wrapping leather bands around their forearms and affixing black cubes to their foreheads secured with leather straps. But none of them could seem to recall the origins of these rituals, or the reasons they still adhered to them. Nor, for that matter, why they were partial to cold beet soup."
While Cartier's men wanted to name the town "Montee, Montee, Montee," after one of the nerdier peaks in the range, Cartier put his foot down. Plus, having planned an inaugural ball, he had already sent invites to the engravers.
The City has come a long way from those humble beginnings. For the past 30 years or so, it has been host to the largest jazz festival in the world. During the months of June and July, it has more people walking around the streets on stilts with glitter on their faces than any other place in the world. It also has more young women in hot pants and stilettos per capita outside of the Jersey Shore. In this heady atmosphere, international musicians and visitors come together to drink boules de cafe and sort of speak French to the locals, who also sort of speak it.
These are lean times, and everybody wants their money to stop slacking. Montreal Jazz festival concertgoers are ahead of the curve in this respect. At the conclusion of each program, they stomp their feet, whistle, and demand encore after encore, even if they hated the music and wouldn't be caught dead listening to it under any other circumstance, all because they want to squeeze every ounce of value out of their cash. The terrified performers oblige to the point of exhaustion, lest a riot break out and ruffians start throwing cheese on stage.
This philosophy carries over into virtually every other aspect of life here. For example, hotel guests routinely scoop the little shampoos and soaps into their bags and purses rather than use them so that the housekeeping staff will have to constantly be re-stocking the room. So many travelers have blurred the lines between "complimentary" and "corporate property," that many hotels have taken to chaining the towels to the bathroom wall. As it happens, when it comes to trying to make a buck go further, two can play at that game.
Montreal has many fine restaurants and a seemingly-endless supply of cuisines to eat. But if you are poor and can't afford to eat at these establishments, you do not have to do so. The city is that tolerant! The tipping is in kilograms, which is a little bizarre for those not familiar with the metric system, but after a while and several drinks, one gets the hang of it.
Old Jacques Cartier would surely not recognize the place if he were to come back for a visit today. But one thing is certain: he would find the techno-disco blasting from stores on every street corner to be as intolerable now as it was in his day.
Montreal is easily reached by car. Go to Vermont and turn left. It's just a little ways past the giant statue of the lumberjack holding a sign that reads "Meubles Solde." You can't miss it.
The City of Montreal in southeastern Quebec, the mostly French-speaking province of Canada, is bounded on one side by the St. Lawrence River and on the other by the "Mont" mountain range, which includes Royal, Blanc, Teechristo, Teehall, and Tee Tee Tee. The French explorer, Jacques Cartier (whose girlfriend's name was Tiffany), founded the metropolis when he sailed up the river in search of a fountain of youth, or, if not a fountain, perhaps a nice, ornamental birdbath. Though he was unsuccessful in this endeavor, the trip was not a total bust, for Cartier was introduced to the native inhabitants of the land at a cocktail party, and, after an inspiring round of Fictionary, they demonstrated a method for growing diamonds in the fertile soil along the riverbank. (In his journal entry for June 30, 1534, Cartier wrote: "I was so certain that these people were cheating when they kept insisting that 'kreplach' was a real word. You could have knocked me over with a feather when they pointed to the definition in --not one, but -- two dictionaries of their own devising. They had strange customs, like wrapping leather bands around their forearms and affixing black cubes to their foreheads secured with leather straps. But none of them could seem to recall the origins of these rituals, or the reasons they still adhered to them. Nor, for that matter, why they were partial to cold beet soup."
While Cartier's men wanted to name the town "Montee, Montee, Montee," after one of the nerdier peaks in the range, Cartier put his foot down. Plus, having planned an inaugural ball, he had already sent invites to the engravers.
The City has come a long way from those humble beginnings. For the past 30 years or so, it has been host to the largest jazz festival in the world. During the months of June and July, it has more people walking around the streets on stilts with glitter on their faces than any other place in the world. It also has more young women in hot pants and stilettos per capita outside of the Jersey Shore. In this heady atmosphere, international musicians and visitors come together to drink boules de cafe and sort of speak French to the locals, who also sort of speak it.
These are lean times, and everybody wants their money to stop slacking. Montreal Jazz festival concertgoers are ahead of the curve in this respect. At the conclusion of each program, they stomp their feet, whistle, and demand encore after encore, even if they hated the music and wouldn't be caught dead listening to it under any other circumstance, all because they want to squeeze every ounce of value out of their cash. The terrified performers oblige to the point of exhaustion, lest a riot break out and ruffians start throwing cheese on stage.
This philosophy carries over into virtually every other aspect of life here. For example, hotel guests routinely scoop the little shampoos and soaps into their bags and purses rather than use them so that the housekeeping staff will have to constantly be re-stocking the room. So many travelers have blurred the lines between "complimentary" and "corporate property," that many hotels have taken to chaining the towels to the bathroom wall. As it happens, when it comes to trying to make a buck go further, two can play at that game.
Montreal has many fine restaurants and a seemingly-endless supply of cuisines to eat. But if you are poor and can't afford to eat at these establishments, you do not have to do so. The city is that tolerant! The tipping is in kilograms, which is a little bizarre for those not familiar with the metric system, but after a while and several drinks, one gets the hang of it.
Old Jacques Cartier would surely not recognize the place if he were to come back for a visit today. But one thing is certain: he would find the techno-disco blasting from stores on every street corner to be as intolerable now as it was in his day.
Montreal is easily reached by car. Go to Vermont and turn left. It's just a little ways past the giant statue of the lumberjack holding a sign that reads "Meubles Solde." You can't miss it.
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