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QUESTION 2: Law Proposed by Initiative Petition
Possession of Brussel Sprouts
Do you approve or disapprove of a law summarized below?
SUMMARY
As required by law, summaries are written by the State Attorney General, and the statements describing the effect of a "yes" or "no" vote are written jointly by the State Attorney General and the Secretary of the Commonwealth.
This proposed law would impose criminal penalties for possession of one ounce or less of Brussel Sprouts and require the offense to be recorded in the state's criminal record information system. First-time Offenders age 18 or older would be subject to forfeiture of the Brussel Sprouts plus a fine of $1,000 and a year in state prison. The fines would be increased for slightly moist Brussel Sprouts carried in a concealed tupperware for at least 24 hours. Recidivists would be required to wear the scarlett letters "B.S." emblazoned on their garments.
Offenders under the age of 18...
...as if.
The money received from the penalties would go to a statewide program to eradicate Brussel Sprouts.
WHAT YOUR VOTE WILL DO
A YES VOTE would send a lot of sanctimonious vegetarian blowhards to jail.
A NO VOTE would make no change in state criminal laws concerning possession of Brussel Sprouts.
ARGUMENTS
As provided by law, the 150-word (give or take) arguments are written by proponents and opponents of each question, and reflect their opinions.
IN FAVOR: A YES vote means arrest, jail, loss of student loans, bankruptcy, scandal, and ruin for possession of an ounce or less of Brussel Sprouts. Question 2 would create a permanent record (CORI) and barriers to housing and employment. Police would be empowered to arrest a projected 7,500 people annually for Brussel Sprouts possession. All other Brussel Sprouts-related crimes, like sales or DUIOBS (Driving Under the Influence of Brussel Sprouts), remain untouched. Question 2 would send to the Big House any person foolish enough to keep leftover, smelly Brussel Sprouts in their Own House, and worse, to foist them on the public, by bringing them on airplanes and libraries. Eleven other jurisdictions have similar laws (though, admittedly, not in the free world) and have shown a marked increase in morale. Let the punishment fit the crime. Vote "YES" on Question 2.
Authored by:
Bronto Tsuris, Campaign Manager
Committee for Sensible Brussel Sprouts Policy
P.O. Box M
Boston, MA 02113
www.sensibleBrussel Sproutspolicy.org
AGAINST: Brussel Sprouts criminalization is a moronic idea, and sends the wrong message to young people. What's next, the criminalization of Absinthe? Foi Gras? Our state law already requires our judges to dismiss charges and seal records of first-time offenders. Criminalization will encourage bootlegging and poses a threat to public health and safety. For one thing, concealing Brussel Sprouts in bootlegs is dangerous. What is a bootleg, anyway? I know what a boot is. I know what a leg is. Put them together, and what do you got? I dunno. Same thing with a peppercorn. Has anyone ever actually seen one? You always read about them in fairy tales but have you ever seen them at the supermarket? I haven't. Are they in the pepper aisle or the corn aisle -- or what? Same thing with curds and tuffets. What the hell?
Authored by:
Jolie Green-Giant
President, Hyphenates Association
1 Blue-White Place, Suite 202
Boston, MA 02114
www.hyph-en-ates.biz-org-com-ours-mine-and-yours
Possession of Brussel Sprouts
Do you approve or disapprove of a law summarized below?
SUMMARY
As required by law, summaries are written by the State Attorney General, and the statements describing the effect of a "yes" or "no" vote are written jointly by the State Attorney General and the Secretary of the Commonwealth.
This proposed law would impose criminal penalties for possession of one ounce or less of Brussel Sprouts and require the offense to be recorded in the state's criminal record information system. First-time Offenders age 18 or older would be subject to forfeiture of the Brussel Sprouts plus a fine of $1,000 and a year in state prison. The fines would be increased for slightly moist Brussel Sprouts carried in a concealed tupperware for at least 24 hours. Recidivists would be required to wear the scarlett letters "B.S." emblazoned on their garments.
Offenders under the age of 18...
...as if.
The money received from the penalties would go to a statewide program to eradicate Brussel Sprouts.
WHAT YOUR VOTE WILL DO
A YES VOTE would send a lot of sanctimonious vegetarian blowhards to jail.
A NO VOTE would make no change in state criminal laws concerning possession of Brussel Sprouts.
ARGUMENTS
As provided by law, the 150-word (give or take) arguments are written by proponents and opponents of each question, and reflect their opinions.
IN FAVOR: A YES vote means arrest, jail, loss of student loans, bankruptcy, scandal, and ruin for possession of an ounce or less of Brussel Sprouts. Question 2 would create a permanent record (CORI) and barriers to housing and employment. Police would be empowered to arrest a projected 7,500 people annually for Brussel Sprouts possession. All other Brussel Sprouts-related crimes, like sales or DUIOBS (Driving Under the Influence of Brussel Sprouts), remain untouched. Question 2 would send to the Big House any person foolish enough to keep leftover, smelly Brussel Sprouts in their Own House, and worse, to foist them on the public, by bringing them on airplanes and libraries. Eleven other jurisdictions have similar laws (though, admittedly, not in the free world) and have shown a marked increase in morale. Let the punishment fit the crime. Vote "YES" on Question 2.
Authored by:
Bronto Tsuris, Campaign Manager
Committee for Sensible Brussel Sprouts Policy
P.O. Box M
Boston, MA 02113
www.sensibleBrussel Sproutspolicy.org
AGAINST: Brussel Sprouts criminalization is a moronic idea, and sends the wrong message to young people. What's next, the criminalization of Absinthe? Foi Gras? Our state law already requires our judges to dismiss charges and seal records of first-time offenders. Criminalization will encourage bootlegging and poses a threat to public health and safety. For one thing, concealing Brussel Sprouts in bootlegs is dangerous. What is a bootleg, anyway? I know what a boot is. I know what a leg is. Put them together, and what do you got? I dunno. Same thing with a peppercorn. Has anyone ever actually seen one? You always read about them in fairy tales but have you ever seen them at the supermarket? I haven't. Are they in the pepper aisle or the corn aisle -- or what? Same thing with curds and tuffets. What the hell?
Authored by:
Jolie Green-Giant
President, Hyphenates Association
1 Blue-White Place, Suite 202
Boston, MA 02114
www.hyph-en-ates.biz-org-com-ours-mine-and-yours
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