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Political Correctness? You be the judge. Here are the facts: American retailers increasingly default to the bland and meaningless "Happy Holidays." Why? They don't care about us.
Don't believe it? Try this little experiment. Go to Sears and buy a snowblower. And while they're gift-wrapping it, the first thing they'll say is: "You know, most people don't get snowblowers gift-wrapped because they're too huge and it's incredibly impractical and a waste of paper and kind of taking advantage of our free gift wrap policy." And the second thing they'll say is: "Thank you for shopping at Sears" [After you pay-- not before!]. And the third thing they'll say is: "Happy Holidays." That's it.
Not: "You're the man babalorisha." Not: "You go, you priest of Ifá." Not: "Have a very pleasant Lukumi ritual." None of these. Just "Happy Holidays."
But it's not just Sears. Take Wal-Mart, for example. Go there and buy some rifles and some bullets, and a few hatchets and hunting knives and something to club seals with and a Jonas Brothers CD, and while you're at the checkout counter, after they say: "Having a little party? Ha, ha, ha." They'll say "Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart and Happy Holidays," but not: "Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart, and may you be like the diviners of the Orishas." God forbid!
Or if that doesn't convince you, go to Jos. A Bank and buy one suit and a SECOND ONE FOR HALF PRICE! (Results reproduced at Gentleman's Warehouse proving their scientific validity). And after they say: "The sales price doesn't include alterations which are $75 extra, and it doesn't include these cuff links, which are the only things that go with it ($65), and it doesn't include these suspenders ($25), and it doesn't include these fake Brooks Brothers shopping bags which we sell so that your friends don't think you're so cheap that you get all your suits at Jos. A Bank," they will be certain to say: "Happy Holidays." Try getting them to say: "Go in peace, Father Who Knows the Secrets." But don't hold your breath or you will die.
Not convinced? OK. Go to Valvoline, and after they say: "the next time, you shouldn't drive your car for 13,000 miles on bald tires before you get the oil changed, because that's not good for it," and then after they say: "Do you have any coupons today? No? It's OK to throw out the coupons from Fortune Panda, but the Valvoline coupons are valuable," and then after they say: "Turn the wheel to the right. To the RIGHT! The RIGHT! THE RIGHT!!!Ok, back it up. Whoa! Stop. STOP! STOP! Can't you hear me? OK. Now come forward SLOWLY and turn it to the Right. NO, THAT'S THE LEFT! Ok. There you go. That's it. OK, you're good," and then after they say "Thank you for coming to Valvoline," they'll say Have a nice day and Happy Holidays." They'll never say: "Hope you receive Orunmila soon."
What's this all about? There's only one word for it: C-O-N-S-P-I-R-A-C-Y-T-H-E-O-R-Y-M-O-S-T-L-I-K-E-L-Y.
What's the solution? Fight back. The next time some store clerk wishes you "Happy Holidays," respond with: "Sure thing, Babalu." Atheists hate that.
[Note: No animals were harmed in the creation of this post].
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Political Correctness? You be the judge. Here are the facts: American retailers increasingly default to the bland and meaningless "Happy Holidays." Why? They don't care about us.
Don't believe it? Try this little experiment. Go to Sears and buy a snowblower. And while they're gift-wrapping it, the first thing they'll say is: "You know, most people don't get snowblowers gift-wrapped because they're too huge and it's incredibly impractical and a waste of paper and kind of taking advantage of our free gift wrap policy." And the second thing they'll say is: "Thank you for shopping at Sears" [After you pay-- not before!]. And the third thing they'll say is: "Happy Holidays." That's it.
Not: "You're the man babalorisha." Not: "You go, you priest of Ifá." Not: "Have a very pleasant Lukumi ritual." None of these. Just "Happy Holidays."
But it's not just Sears. Take Wal-Mart, for example. Go there and buy some rifles and some bullets, and a few hatchets and hunting knives and something to club seals with and a Jonas Brothers CD, and while you're at the checkout counter, after they say: "Having a little party? Ha, ha, ha." They'll say "Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart and Happy Holidays," but not: "Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart, and may you be like the diviners of the Orishas." God forbid!
Or if that doesn't convince you, go to Jos. A Bank and buy one suit and a SECOND ONE FOR HALF PRICE! (Results reproduced at Gentleman's Warehouse proving their scientific validity). And after they say: "The sales price doesn't include alterations which are $75 extra, and it doesn't include these cuff links, which are the only things that go with it ($65), and it doesn't include these suspenders ($25), and it doesn't include these fake Brooks Brothers shopping bags which we sell so that your friends don't think you're so cheap that you get all your suits at Jos. A Bank," they will be certain to say: "Happy Holidays." Try getting them to say: "Go in peace, Father Who Knows the Secrets." But don't hold your breath or you will die.
Not convinced? OK. Go to Valvoline, and after they say: "the next time, you shouldn't drive your car for 13,000 miles on bald tires before you get the oil changed, because that's not good for it," and then after they say: "Do you have any coupons today? No? It's OK to throw out the coupons from Fortune Panda, but the Valvoline coupons are valuable," and then after they say: "Turn the wheel to the right. To the RIGHT! The RIGHT! THE RIGHT!!!Ok, back it up. Whoa! Stop. STOP! STOP! Can't you hear me? OK. Now come forward SLOWLY and turn it to the Right. NO, THAT'S THE LEFT! Ok. There you go. That's it. OK, you're good," and then after they say "Thank you for coming to Valvoline," they'll say Have a nice day and Happy Holidays." They'll never say: "Hope you receive Orunmila soon."
What's this all about? There's only one word for it: C-O-N-S-P-I-R-A-C-Y-T-H-E-O-R-Y-M-O-S-T-L-I-K-E-L-Y.
What's the solution? Fight back. The next time some store clerk wishes you "Happy Holidays," respond with: "Sure thing, Babalu." Atheists hate that.
[Note: No animals were harmed in the creation of this post].
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