HEY, LET'S ASK CARLA!

]
]
]


Dear Carla:

My friend left his Blackberry hanging around the library by accident. I found it and started reading all the saved e-mails on it. I also shared them with some of the other people in the library to get their reaction. Also there were some pics of the let's just call it you-may-not-want-these-pics-out-and-about variety. I posted some of the better ones on Facebook because they were kinda scandalous. Also, I'm having one of them turned into a billboard and another one I got imprinted on a coffee mug at one of those pushcarts at the mall (I just can't seem to stop myself). I also randomly prank called some of the business contacts in my friend's directory and said some pretty rude and obscene things pretending to be my friend just as an experiment to see if it would get him fired. Plus I found a few spreadsheets that looked pretty confidential and downloaded them onto the library computer. What do you say -- unethical?

Berry Bad

Dear Berry Bad

I checked with a librarian friend of mine who assured me that tampering with library computers (and this includes unauthorized downloads) is, indeed unethical. She also didn't take too kindly to the information that you were deliberately distracting library patrons who were there to study until I reminded her that nobody studies in libraries anymore -only in Starbucks.

--Carla

_____________________________________

Dear Carla:

My friend's GPS broke in her Jeep and she freaked. I pull out my iPhone and start to Mapquest the route and she totally goes postal and starts banging my iPhone on the dashboard shouting "I don't want this F****** piece of sh**t! I want my F****** GPS!" And I say "It's the same F****** thing!" and I start ripping her GPS from the dashboard and pouring acid on it and she says, "Oh F***ing great! I'm going to pour acid on your iPhone, you F***ing B**ch!" Then she grabs my iPhone and disables Mapquest and Googlemaps. And then I say I'm going to pour acid on your GPS, you F***ing B**ch!" And she says, "You already did, you F***ing B**ch!" And I say, "Well, do you have a map, you F***ing B**ch!?" And she says "What the f***k is a map?" Then I saw that she had a map of Sweden in her glove compartment, and I said "Why do you have this worthless piece of sh**t map of Sweden in your F***ing car, you F***ing B**ch!? Is this supposed to help us get to f***ing HMS, you f***ing B**ch!?" And she says, "How the f*** should I know, you F***ing B**ch?" I don't know how to read a F***ing map, and neither do you." So we just sat there, because we couldn't figure out how to get to HMS, and she had already disabled Mapquest and Google maps. What do you make of this exchange?

Shoeless in Seattle

Dear Shoeless

I couldn't help laughing about this because you didn't even think to use the HMS Store Locator. There's an App for that!

--Carla


____________________________________

Dear Carla:

I figured out how to get all this free stuff on my Kindle -- like I got all the Harry Potters and the old Twilights and Daniel Steel and "Rich Again" by Anna Maxted. I just ignore the copyright warnings. Should I feel guilty?

Kerlin up with a Good Kindle

Dear Kerlin:

People are still reading Danielle Steel? Who knew?

--Carla

_________________________________________

Dear Carla:

It was dark and snowing and I was driving home from New York and I was bored so I started texting my friends and they crack me up like they pretended that they all liked this dude and really had me going until I figured out that they made the dude up -- he's like not even real. I laughed so hard, I nearly drove into a ditch because when I laugh in the car while I'm texting like I push down on the gas really hard. When I got home, it was like 3 in the morning and I woke my roomie up and told her what had happened and she started lecturing me about my habits etc. I didn't think I did anything wrong. What do you think?

Txtng Tess

Dear Tess:

What kind of "friends" make up a dude? You need some new friends.

--Carla


___________________________________________


Dear Carla:

I organized a bunch of (like a hundred) people to fly to Copenhagen from about 80 different cities to do a protest on over-use of fossil fuels contributing to global warming. We rented a bus and drove it all over Copenhagen banging on garbage can lids (symbolic) to get our message out. Then we did a carbon dioxide demo by lighting a bunch of tires on fire to show what happens to smoke when you light tires on fire. The Copenhagen Police claimed we were not a legitimate NGO and arrested some of us. Don't they get it?

White and Black and Green All Over

Dear W&B&GAO:

This is the second time Sweden has come up this week. What a coincidence. Did you pick up any maps while you were over there?

--Carla

________________________________________________

Dear Carla:

When you de-friend somebody who pisses you off are they allowed to pretend to friend you under a pseudonym to spy on you?

De-friender of the Faith

Dear De-Friender:

All's fair in love and war.

--Carla