The Contest Rules

HOW TO ENTER


In these Rules, the term "You" means you and the term "We" means us. The term "us" also means us. The term "Term" means term.

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY.* To enter, complete the entry form appearing on the reverse (the other side) of this form. To be eligible, entries must be completed and received precisely on midnight on the closing date of the draw, not a second more or less. Incomplete entries will be disqualified and the applicants submitting them will be barred from ever entering this or any other contest again. All entries shall become our property, and we are not responsible for lost, misguided, or idiotic entries. Entries received by telephone, fax, courier or personal delivery will be shunned like a wayward Amish.

(* to enter, that is. To win, you have to make the most purchases).

CONTEST RULES:


1. The contest is open to people who know how to read as well as those who don't (except residents of Quebec, unless they know how to hum, then they can enter). Three forms of identification must be produced on request (but 2 of them can be fake I.D.s.) Employees of our company, its contest sponsor, advertising and promotional agencies and their respective affiliates and associates and such employees' immediate family members, and persons with whom such employees are shacking up, or whom they've ever met or went to the movies with or went swimming with or had a crush on, or in whose bathroom mirror they ever snooped -- even for a split second -- are excluded from this contest.

2. The prize is not redeemable in cash and must be accepted as awarded. In other words, if you don't like it -- tough!

3. Decisions of the contest judges are final - no substitutions will be available -- albeit, if the right palms are greased..you know what I'm sayin?

4. By claiming the prize, the winner authorizes the use, without additional compensation, of his or her name and/or likeness and/or voice and/or peculiar head movements and/or DNA for promotion and/or advertising and/or exploitation of any kind, including, but not limited to, blackmailing people we don't like and/or their immediate family members and/or people who use "and/or" multiple times in the same paragraph and/or phrase.

5. By accepting the prize, the winner, and (but not or) any guest(s) or trespasser(s) and/or guy(s), acknowledge(s) ( ) that we may not be held liable for any los(s), damage(s) or injury associated with accepting or using this prize(s). (h)(i) (e)(v)(e)(r)(y)(b)(o)(d)(y!)

6. The person(s) whose name(s) is drawn as being the winner(s) of the specific priz(e) will be required to answer a skill-testing question before the prize is awarded to ( ) "Them." But if "You" make a diorama out of a shoebox you won't have to talk very much and can probably get away with it -- even if you didn't read the book. The person(s) whose name(s) and/or are is drawn as being the loser(s) will get off scott free.

7. Detailed contest rules applicable to this contest, including contest entry dates, how to enter, and prize value, number and any restrictions applicable to these prizes are available to the winner, but only if the request is made prior to the date of the contest. No requests made after the contest start date will be honored, and neither will their parents. But how do "You" know if you are the winner before the contest starts? Yeah, it sounds like the fix is in. Yeah. Hey, what is that a Twinkie? Can I have half? (s).

8. Winners and any guests must sign a release form over and over again until "They" keel over.

9. "We" retain the rights, in "Our" absolute and sole discretion, to make substitutions of equivalent kind or approximate value in the event of the unavailability of any prize or component of the prize for any reason whatsoever, no reason at all, entirely made up reasons, or reasons that would make sense if "You" were from another planet where nothing is at all like it is here.

10. This contest is subject to applicable laws where people care about that sort of thing.

11. We reserve the right to withdraw or terminate this contest at any time without prior notice. In fact, we have just done so.


Just kidding. We didn't really withdraw it.

12. Approximate value of prizes vary. The crappy ones are worth a lot less.

13. If prize involves a destination and accommodation, concert destination is at our whim. Accommodation, unless otherwise stated, refers to 40 days and 40 night in a 3-star brothel. If prize involves travel, winner and travel companion must agree never to speak to each other for the duration -- not even once. Trip dates and travel accommodations cannot be changed by winner; however, travel is subject to availability, blackout dates, riots, floods, acts of war, acts of terrorism, pretentious one-act plays, and teenagers acting out. Prize cannot be used in conjunction with any other promotion or offer and/or promotion and offer and must be accepted as awarded no matter how sucky it is.

14. Accidentally deleted

15. One entry per person/ Two if by sea./ And/or I on the opposite shore will be/ready to ride and spread the alarm/through every Middlesex village and farm.