Your Conference Call-In Instructions

Your conference call is scheduled for Wednesday at 2:00 P.M. eastern time. To participate in this conference call, please follow these instructions:

1. Dial 1-888-KONFRNS

2. Enter your special code: I 8 A B: Use this mnemonic device to remember your special code: "I ate a bee" (ouch!).

3. Press the pound key 3 times.

4. Press the Star Key 2 times.

5. Press the 1 Key 1 times.

6. Wait for the recorded welcome.

7. Press the pound key 3 times.

8. At the prompt, announce your name.

9. Please do not pretend to be someone else by announcing a fake name.

10. Press the pound key 3 times.

11. If you hear the sound of a whippoorwill, you will know that you were routed to the correct conference call. If you hear the sound of a thrush, you have not been routed correctly. Should this occur, repeat step 6.

12. Press the pound key 3 times.

13. As each new participant joins the conference call, you will hear the computer host announce: "So and so has joined the conference call." It is highly unlikely that any of the participants will actually be called "So and so." This name is used as an example only.

14. After a few minutes of chit-chat and giggling with the other slackers, the computer host will announce that the group leaders have joined the conference call. This is your cue to be quiet. The group leaders are much smarter than you are, hence, their status as "leaders." Chances are, you will not have a clue what the group leaders are talking about. Lay low during their discussion and volunteer nothing. If you are asked to opine on anything, say: "I defer to so and so."

15. Do not doodle during the conference call. The other participants will sense that you are doodling.

16. If you must doodle during the conference call, do not draw a picture of yourself as a stick figure cutting off the head of the group leader with a large sword while saying "Ha!" and having blood spurt from the headless neck like a ridiculously over-charged fountain.

17. When the urge to refer to a group leader as a "schmuck," comes, as it will, deploy the "Mute" button.

18. Should you forget to deploy the Mute button while referring to a group leader as a "schmuck," pretend to be someone else by announcing a fake name.

19. When the group leaders announce that the conference call is over and begin to use phrases such as "goodbye everyone; thank you for your participation. The conference call is now concluded," hang up.

20. Press the pound key 3 times.