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Create an Account. It's free! It only takes a few moments to read the first two questions.


STEP 1

Name ________________________________

(Why do we ask for this information? -- See below)*

We're Sorry, that name is already in use. Please change your name_____________________________

Nickname_____________________________**

Mother's Maiden Nickname__________________

Username________________________________

Name of the guy who played the character of "Ugarte" in Casablanca ___________________________

Name of your favorite movie ________________________

Why did you write "Casablanca?" That's so overdone, plus, it's copying _________________________________

Hey, did you see that French movie with Juliette Binoche? It's pretty good ___________________________________

D.O.B.________________________________________

B.O.D._________________________________________

B.D.O._________________________________________

O.B.D.__________________________________________

D.B.O.__________________________________________

Last 4 digits of social security number ________________

Middle 2 digits of social security number ______________

First 3 digits of social security number_________________

What was your name again? ________________________

Highest grade paid attention in school _________________

Email address____________________________________

In case of emergency, what should we do!? What should we do!?________________________________________

Help! Help! Emergency! __________________________


* We ask you for your name because this is a normal social convention which has been around for quite a while, stretching as far back as speech itself. What do we do with your name? We roll it, and pat it, and mark it with a "B."


** If your name is already "Nick," please leave this form blank.


STEP 2

CREATE A PASSWORD

Now it's time to create your password. A password should be not too long and not too short. I want it to be a soft green. Not as blue-green as a robin's egg. -- No. But not as yellow-green as daffodil buds. Now, the only sample I could get is a little too yellow. But don't let whoever does it get it too blue. - No. - It should be a sort of grayish yellow-green. Not just yellow. A very gay yellow. Something bright and sunshiny. I tell you, if you'll send one of your workmen to the grocer for a pound of their best butter and match that exactly, you can't go wrong. But I don't want the password to match any colors of the flowers.

There are some little dots in the background.
And it's these dots I want you to match. Not the little greenish dot near the hollyhock leaf. But the little bluish dot between the rosebud and the delphinium blossom. Is that clear?

Your password should contain 1 upper case letter, and that letter should be "R." It should also contain 1 lowercase letter, and that letter should be "o." It should also contain 2 more lower case letters: "n" and "g." Your password should not contain any other letters or numbers or smudges. No, see, there's a smudge at the bottom. What did I tell you?

Type your new password here ______________________

Do not tell your password to anybody ________________

What is your password? ___________________________

Should you forget your password, we will ask you a security question. If you answer the question correctly, we will e-mail you your password at the email address you provided.

Security Question

I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 9. Can you guess it?


STEP 3

You're almost done!

Please read our "Disclaimer" and click here to indicate that you have done so: _______________

Now go back and actually read it. We saw you pretending to read while mumbling under your breath and counting to 30 silently, but you weren't really reading.

God, that's so childish.

STEP 4

ERROR: All fields marked with a * are mandatory

ERROR: Value of Name cannot be greater than 7 in the Gematria

ERROR: D.O.B. cannot be fake. Nobody believes you're still in your 30s, so give it up, already.

ERROR: Username, Name, and Password can't all be the same name.

ERROR: Password may not contain the letters a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,p,q,s,t,u,v,w,x,y, or z, or the numbers 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,0 or the characters !,@,#,$,%,%,^,&,*,(,),_,+,=,{,},|,[,],\,:,",:,or '

ERROR: Password may not be stupid.


STEP 5

Please type the following scrambled letters: wasTEoftiMEthisIS.

STEP 6

Credit Card Information

Name on Credit Card ______________________

Color of Credit Card_______________________

Is the magnetic strip on the back of Credit Card shot? ___

Why don't you replace it? _________________________

Why do you keep walking around with a defective card? __



STEP 7

You're almost done!

Would you like to receive our newsletter? ______

Would you like to receive spam mail? _____

How much spam mail would you like to receive? ______

Where should we send your spam mail? ______

If no one is home, may we slip the spam mail under the door? _______________________________________

STEP 8

Please choose the characterization that best describes you:

Pleasantly dull _______________________________

Harmlessly dull ______________________________

Boring and dull_______________________________

An unmitigated dullard_________________________

STEP 9

You're practically done!

Please complete the following:

_____________________

_____________________

_____________________


STEP 10

By the way, no one understood that last blog post. It was lame, and no one got it.

A propósito, nadie entendió que esto dura el poste de blog. Era cojo, y nadie lo consiguió.

À propos, personne n'a compris que cela dure le poste de blog. C'était boiteux et personne ne l'a reçu.

Übrigens verstand keiner, dass das Blog-Posten dauert. Das war lahm, und keiner bekam es.

ביי די וועג, קיין איין אַנדערסטוד אַז לעצט בלאָג פּאָסטן. עס איז געווען לאָם, און
קיין איין גאַט עס.


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