CURRICULUM VITAE

Objective: To be restored to rightful place among high and mighty in the global community of potentates.

Education

ROYAL KING'S SCHOOL FOR GIFTED AND RICH BOYS

Dean's List (nominated [by mother]) 1,2,3,4

National Humor Society: 1,3,4

Red Rover: 1, (co-vice captain), 3

Milk Carton Marshal: 3

Hall Monitor: 2,4

Eraser Cleaner-Assistant: 2,3,4



KING'S FAMILY MEMBERS SECONDARY SCHOOL

Chess [equipment manager] 2,4

Newspaper (hawker) 1,2,3,4

Student Government (interrupter of speeches while wearing beret at jaunty angle and screaming in reverent yet wistful tones of Che Guevara, Castro (Fidel, not Raoul!), Noam Chomsky, Hugo Chavez, Lenin, Lenny Bruce, and Abba): 4

International Friendship and Sleeping Late Society: 3,4

Poetry Slam: 4 (Honorable Mention: "Most Incomprehensible Rant")

Leadership Council (on standby) 1,2,3,4

Stand Up: 2

Cafeteria: 3

Soccer: 2

Voted: "Most likely to realize pitfalls of truancy and sloth"



ON-LINE UNIVERSITY OF THE EAST

Laude

King's Prize for Study of Coos, Coups, and Coops. Thesis: "How Some Chickens Suffocate the 'Boss' Chickens to Overthrow the Counter-Revolutionary Power Structure, Escape from Their Cages, and Live Among the Pigeons -- a Machiavellian Interpretation."

Cafeteria: 4




ON-LINE UNIVERSITY OF THE EAST -- POST GRADUATE

Coursework.

Master's (All but thesis and 397 course hours).

Thesis: TBD -- "To be Determined" (actual name of thesis).



PRACTICAL EXPERIENCE

Appointed deputy to the undersecretary for intergovernmental affairs. (re-appointed 5 consecutive terms [except year 3 -- recovering from shingles])

Appointed Assistant to Secretary General for External and Internal Government Affairs. (3 consecutive years)

Appointed Secretary General of the Particular Assembly

Appointed Clerk of the General Assembly

Assumed Control of the Government amidst the chaos of the "Pool Coup" (a/k/a the "Chicken Revolt" of Aught Four).

Ruled with an Iron Fist but a human face while taking the nation to Hell in a Hand Basket. Allowed dozens of political prisoners to write postcards to Amnesty International, provided they reimbursed the government for postage.

Elected as "Observer" to the United Nations Human Rights Council by the other despots on the Council.

Exalted as "Dear Leader" by the Great Pool Hall of the People for unilaterally canceling the diplomatic mission's NYC parking tickets.

Deposed in the Bourgeois Revolt of Aught Eight (a/k/a: the "Pigeon Revolt").

INTERNATIONAL COURT OF JUSTICE, THE HAGUE

Exonerated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (on all but 19 of the most serious charges of human rights violations). On appeal.



PUBLICATIONS

"How Some Chickens Suffocate the 'Boss' Chickens to Overthrow the Counter-Revolutionary Power Structure, Escape from Their Cages, and Live Among the Pigeons," Roadside Stand Review, Spring, Vol. 4



AWARDS

Spider Solitaire -- Top 9 scorer under nom de guerre of "Guerre."



OTHER SKILLS

WebPro -- Intermediate level

Texting (very fast while driving)



REFERENCES

Upon request to the United Nations Human Rights Council


FAVORITE SONG

"Dancing Queen"