The Meeting Minutes

Board Members:

Present: Mrs. Fields, Mr. Clean, Mr. Goodwrench, Mr. Coffee, Mrs. Butterworth, Mr. Baskin, Mr. Robbins, Mr. Ben

Absent: Mr. Peanut, Ms. Jemimah

Quorum present? Yes

Others Present: Mr. Boyardee

Others listening in secretly and watching everything through a one-way mirror: Miss Kitty.

Proceedings:

· Meeting called to order at 7:00 p.m. by Chair, Mrs. Fields.

· Last month's meeting minutes were amended and approved - by Mrs. Fields, that is. Nobody else really approved of them. Mr. Boyardee thought they were ok, but he doesn't really have a vote, and everybody else is afraid of Mrs. Fields.

· Chief Executive's Report was read into the record.

- Mrs. Fields moved that the scandalous nature of the now not-so-furtive relationship between Mr. Clean and Mrs. Butterworth be discussed, which was seconded by Mr. Coffee. Mr. Clean tried to table the discussion, but he was restrained by Mr. Goodwrench with the assistance of Mr. Baskin and Mr. Robbins. Mrs. Butterworth attempted to voice an objection, but she was told to "simmer down" by Mrs. Fields. Mr. Boyardee said: "Ladies, Ladies, please! Can't we all just get along?" Mrs. Fields reminded him that he did not have a vote. Mr. Coffee remarked on the strange sound coming from behind the wall. Discussion ensued. By a vote of 5-2, it was agreed to continue the discussion at the next meeting. Mr. Boyardee's vote was disqualified.

-Mr. Coffee, exercising Mr. Peanut's proxy, and also attempting appropriate some of the former's savor-faire by sporting a fake monocle, obviously purchased from the toy aisle of a cheap drug store,  moved for a vote on nominating Miss Sara Lee to the Board. Mrs. Fields seconded the motion. Mr. Goodwrench said, "Ok, Let's vote." Mr. Clean said, "how can I vote with Mr. Baskin and Mr. Robbins sitting on my hands?" whereupon by a vote of 4-2, Miss Lee was nominated with Mr. Clean abstaining. Mr. Boyardee said that he would also abstain. Mrs. Fields explained to Mr. Boyardee that he could not abstain because he did not have a vote, and that, therefore, his abstention was meaningless. Mr. Goodwrench asked if anybody else heard that "mysterious shuffling sound." A discussion ensued. Mrs. Butterworth said she didn't hear anything, whereupon Mr. Clean was allowed to resume his seat.

Mrs. Butterworth moved that Mr. Boyardee be allowed to vote if he agreed to remove his big hat. Mrs. Fields voiced an objection. Mr. Boyardee said "It's not a big hat; it's called a 'toque.' " Mr. Coffee seconded Mrs. Butterworth's motion, but Mrs. Fields glared at him, whereupon he withdrew his second. Mr. Robbins suggested that Mr. Boyardee be excused if a vote was to be had on his admission to the board. Mrs. Fields said that no vote could be had on Mr. Boyardee's admission without a second to Mrs. Butterworth's motion. Mr. Goodwrench began to second the motion, but then, upon a glance from Mrs. Fields, appeared to have a coughing fit, and the second was not recorded. Mr. Baskin said, "What the devil is that sound?" No vote was held on Mr. Boyardee's admission. Mr. Boyardee voted "aye."


· Finance Committee report provided by Mr. Coffee:

- Mr. Coffee explained that consultant, Mrs. Tollhouse, reviewed the organization's bookkeeping procedures and found them to be in complete disarray. Mr. Clean said: "did you say incomplete disarray?" and Mr. Coffee said, "No. I said she found them to be in : complete : disarray." Then Mr. Clean said," what are the : : : for?" and Mr. Coffee said, I was trying to separate the words "in" "Complete" and "Disarray." Mr. Clean said "oh." Mr. Boyardee abstained. Mrs. Fields asked Mr. Boyardee what he thought he was abstaining from, as there hadn't even been a vote. Mr. Boyardee turned beet red. There was a muffled banging that seemed to be coming from the other room. A discussion ensued.

· Board Development Committee's report provided by Chair, Mr. Goodwrench

- Mr. Goodwrench reminded the Board of the scheduled retreat coming up in three months, and provided a draft retreat schedule for board review. He then moved that the retreat be moved up to tomorrow and that the Board pay itself huge bonuses so that everyone could have a rollicking good time at the retreat. Mr. Clean seconded the motion and Mrs. Butterworth thirded it. A vote was taken and the motion carried unanimously. Mr. Peanut and Ms. Jemimah, although absent, voted "yes" by speaker phone. There was a tapping from behind the wall. Mr. Coffee said, "Call me crazy, but it sounds like Morse code for: 'I also vote yes!' " Mr. Boyardee abstained.

· Other business:

- Porter noted that he was working with staff member, Jacob Smith, to help develop an information management systems plan, and that two weeks ago he (Porter) had mailed members three resumes from consultants to help with the plan. Mrs. Fields said, "Who the hell are you and where did you come from, and who is Jacob Smith?" Mr. Boyardee seconded the motion. A discussion ensued. Mr. Baskin said it sounded as though someone was doing jumping jacks in the next room.

· Assessment of the Meeting:

- Mr. Robbins noted that the past three meetings have run over the intended two-hour time slot by half an hour, and asked members to be more respectful about other people's time. Mrs. Fields thanked him for his opinion. A 45-minute long discussion ensued. Mr. Baskin said "who's making that snoring noise?"


· Meeting adjourned at 10: 45 p.m.

· Minutes submitted by Secretary, Jacob Smith.


Mr. Boyardee abstained.