Averting Mid-Air Disaster

Air Traffic Control: Aaaaaaaarvark Airlines 358 [inaudible] please confirm distress call on this frequency.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaak 358:  Roger that, Control.  That was us.

Air Traffic Control: What's the problem, Aaaaaaaaaaaaak 358? Over.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaak 358: We're running dangerously low on snacks in Economy, over.

Air Traffic Control: Uh, Roger that. Roger that. How long can you hold out, Aaaaaaaaaaaaak 358?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaak 358: We have a half a Toblerone. If we slice it super-thin --10, 20 minutes tops.  But we have 4 comedians on board. Jokes have started to form,  on the starboard side. We're taking on a lot of lame-i-tude. Request a mid-air re-stocking of the food cart.

Air Traffic Control: That's a negative, Aaaaaaaaaaaaak 358. We're going to have to divert you to...AAA.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaak 358: Come back, Control.  Did you say AAA?

Air Traffic Control: Affirmative.  Affirmative.  It's first in the list of airport codes, over.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaak 358: We Copy. Do they have [inaudible] Toblereone? Over.

Air Traffic Control: We don't have information on that. Will request an emergency Mr. Happy Snack Time vehicle to meet you on  runway 2 and some big hooks to take the comics into custody.   Please Confirm your position, Aaaaaaaaaaaaak 358, over.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaak 358: Waterboarding is fine for some people, but not for others. The taxpayers shouldn't have to finance sex change operations for convicted felons. Treating corporations like people is just silly, and a blow to campaign finance reform. Toblerone should be a right for all, and not just a privilege for the few, over.

Air Traffic Control: What?  No! No! No!  Not your political position!  Confirm your location,  over

Aaaaaaaaaaaaak 358:  Marco.

Air Traffic Control: Polo.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaak 358:  Marco.

Air Traffic Control: Polo.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaak 358:  MARCO!

Air Traffic Control: POLO!  OK, we see you. Over.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaak 358: Polo. I mean, Marco. I mean over, over.

Air Traffic Control: Aaaaaaaaaaaaak 358, what are you talking about, now?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaak 358: Just talking smack, over.

Air Traffic Control: LOL, over.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaak 358: RAOTFALMAO, over.

Air Traffic Control: RB@Ya, over.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaak 358: Come back, Control. Did you say Over or Under?  Over.

Air Traffic Control: Let's start over, over.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaak 358: Inaudible.

Air Traffic Control: Why did you say, "inaudible," over?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaak 358: Looks good on a transcript, over.

Air Traffic Control: . . .Roger that.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaak 358: Control, hold on!  We just saw a UFO!  We just saw a UFO! We just saw a UFO!  We just saw a UFO!

Air Traffic Control: Heard you the first time, Aaaaaaaaaaaaak 358. Where's the [inaudible] UFO from?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaak 358: We don't [inaudible] know. It's a UFO. Hold on. Its bottom latch is opening up.  It's lowering something down to us!  It's lowering something down to us! It's lowering something down to us! It's lowering something down to us! 

Air Traffic Control: Why do you say everything four times, already, Aaaaaaaaaaaaak 358? OK. [inaudible] [inaudible][inaudible] [inaudible].  What's the UFO lowering down, over?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaak 358: Looks like a really big Mars Bar, over.

Air Traffic Control: Roger that, Aaaaaaaaaaaaak 358. Descend to 3250 feet and Proceed on a vector of P.M.M. to the MB ASAP, over.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaak 358: We copy.  Can we put this post out of its misery, now, Control?

Air Traffic Control: Affirmative. It's over, over.