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Do you have 30-60 minutes a day to listen to a CD or download of an audio course? Perhaps while chipping paint from a windowsill, or waiting on line at the Registry of Motor Vehicles to clear up that little misunderstanding about switching license plates, or scouring the basement of the hardware store for non-standard sized washers? (This is some life you lead).
Now that you're an adult, wouldn't you like to give the ol' college try to some subject that you avoided assiduously in high school (or, better yet, college, as that would probably make more sense) because, quite frankly, you couldn't be bothered to get to the campus by the ungodly hour of 10:30 in the morning? With Ye Olde Learning Shoppe, you can become an "expert" on anything [in our curriculum] for an investment of just 30 to 60 minutes per day, and, of course, money.
Our "expert" instructors have been carefully cherry-picked from the remaining pool of professors not already hired away by our competitors. We've assembled a group from so many different schools that you'd have to be 119 places at once or rack up quite a few frequent flyer miles to hear them speak in person, unless you attended only one lecture, in which case, you'd miss the other lectures, but conceivably it would be possible, as you clearly couldn't be 119 places at once. Two, maybe, three if you were an identical twin or triplet and you exchanged notes, but two or three is probably the most you'd get away with because if you tried it with more than two or three, other people (i.e., your classmates or a person or persons unnamed who happen to know you) would almost certainly get suspicious, not to mention --how impractical!
Check out some of our new courses for the upcoming semester. If you order within 30 days, we'll discount each course by up to 60% (except for the courses that have already been discounted by 60%, because otherwise, we'd owe you -- and that would never do). Certificates of completion are also available for certain courses, and we're printing new certificates every week. Ye Olde Learning Shoppe has been in business for many months and is licensed in over four counties. Below is a sampling of our latest offerings:
The Human Journey
In this course, we ask the most profound questions: Who are we? Where did we come from? Where are we going? And, most important of all: Are we there yet? When are we going to get there? You said we'd be there by now. When are we going to get there?
Instructor: Pincus "Ming" Mandelbaum
The Western Cannon
No, this is not a typo. You can study the Western Canon anywhere, and that's a lot of reading, and who has time for that? Not you. that's why you're listening to audio tapes while driving and missing your exit. This is a course about a very large cannon out Texas way (hence -- "western"). At parties, your friends and other people's friends alike will be astounded and amazed when you say "I studied the entire western cannon in just 30-60 minutes." Hint: Don't pronounce the hyphen as it lessens the impact.
Instructor: Kirk Draw McGraw
Ancient Roman Drinks
Ever hear of Ketel I? What about Courvoisier S.P.Q.R.? Romulus et Rossi? No? We didn't think so. These brands no longer exist. But 2000 years ago when the Eternal City was still eternal, not as eternal as it is now, but still pretty eternal, this is how the smart set imbibed. Not only will you learn the names of all these drinks, but, also, how to mix them and how to order them in a bar -- not that this will do you any good, because no one's heard of these drinks (unless they've taken our course!), but still, it's amusing to see the reaction when you announce: "A side-chariot, barkeep, with a fish sauce chaser!" Too much fun.
Instructor: Toby Inebreate
New Astrological Discoveries
Some of our past students misread the title, assumed this was a course about stars and outer space and planets, etc., and then asked for their money back when they actually heard the lecture. Now all of our courses come with a warning in big bold letters: NO REFUNDS! This is for our protection and yours. But mostly ours.
Instructor: Elvira Newsome, Ph.D.
Odd Numbers
If it weren't for the number 19.99, there would be no infomercials. Thirteen has been proven (mathematically) to be unlucky for analog clocks. And without "approximate 10," there'd likely be no express aisle. These and other oddities are some of the things you will learn in this course about odd numbers. Little or no previous math knowledge required. Regardless, course fee still required.
Instructor: Sarah Bride
Backyard Archeology
What will we find when we dig up your back yard? Rocks? An old plunger? Lots of dead birds? What were you doing back there, anyway? Oh, well, it doesn't matter. There's a whole eco-system right at your fingertips waiting to be discovered, explored, and -- for persons in certain geographical regions -- exploited for enormous profit. Symbiosis, anyone? (Please note: 33.3 % of all revenues derived as a direct and proximate result of backyard excavation automatically become the property of Ye Olde Learning Shoppe and its partners).
Instructor: Carl "Bat" Masterson
Religions of the Suburbs
This course is part anthropology, part religion, and part suburb. It is taught as a companion to the course: "Malls of the Suburbs."
Instructor: The "Reverend" Michelle Johnston
What People Used to Do Before the Internet and Smart Phones
This is our shortest course. For obvious reasons.
Instructor: Tim Jones
Meet Your Instructors
* Pincus "Ming" Mandelbaum teaches Driver's Ed. and Repetitive Questions at the Park Slope Adult Learning Annex. He is an expert driver and has driven in all sorts of conditions with little kids and his mother-in-law in the back seat.
* Kirk Draw McGraw is Director of Cannon Studies at Cannon Military Academy in the Texas Hill Country. He speaks softly, but is usually hanging around a big cannon.
* Toby Inebreate is an instructor at numerous bartender schools on the eastern seaboard and on-line. He has published many pamphlets about drinks and snacks.
* Elvira Newsome is a quantum physicist. She discovered three stars and a planet, and has a galaxy named after her. She has been on the faculty at top universities in the United States and Canada and was nominated for a Nobel prize in a very competitive year.
* Sarah Bride has sold over 13 million underarm firmers on television. Numbers are a passion of hers, especially the ones that have dollar signs in front of them.
* Carl "Bat" Masterson is the owner of "Back Yard Derreks" of Oklahoma City and Riyad. He is on probation from the University of East Waziristan.
* The "Reverend" Michelle Johnston officiates as a lay pastor at various unofficial events. She once worked for Bloomingdales.
* Tim Jones teaches hammer dulcimer at the West suburban YMCA. He can sing "Michael Row Your Boat Ashore" in three languages and is also an accomplished shadow puppeteer.
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Do you have 30-60 minutes a day to listen to a CD or download of an audio course? Perhaps while chipping paint from a windowsill, or waiting on line at the Registry of Motor Vehicles to clear up that little misunderstanding about switching license plates, or scouring the basement of the hardware store for non-standard sized washers? (This is some life you lead).
Now that you're an adult, wouldn't you like to give the ol' college try to some subject that you avoided assiduously in high school (or, better yet, college, as that would probably make more sense) because, quite frankly, you couldn't be bothered to get to the campus by the ungodly hour of 10:30 in the morning? With Ye Olde Learning Shoppe, you can become an "expert" on anything [in our curriculum] for an investment of just 30 to 60 minutes per day, and, of course, money.
Our "expert" instructors have been carefully cherry-picked from the remaining pool of professors not already hired away by our competitors. We've assembled a group from so many different schools that you'd have to be 119 places at once or rack up quite a few frequent flyer miles to hear them speak in person, unless you attended only one lecture, in which case, you'd miss the other lectures, but conceivably it would be possible, as you clearly couldn't be 119 places at once. Two, maybe, three if you were an identical twin or triplet and you exchanged notes, but two or three is probably the most you'd get away with because if you tried it with more than two or three, other people (i.e., your classmates or a person or persons unnamed who happen to know you) would almost certainly get suspicious, not to mention --how impractical!
Check out some of our new courses for the upcoming semester. If you order within 30 days, we'll discount each course by up to 60% (except for the courses that have already been discounted by 60%, because otherwise, we'd owe you -- and that would never do). Certificates of completion are also available for certain courses, and we're printing new certificates every week. Ye Olde Learning Shoppe has been in business for many months and is licensed in over four counties. Below is a sampling of our latest offerings:
The Human Journey
In this course, we ask the most profound questions: Who are we? Where did we come from? Where are we going? And, most important of all: Are we there yet? When are we going to get there? You said we'd be there by now. When are we going to get there?
Instructor: Pincus "Ming" Mandelbaum
The Western Cannon
No, this is not a typo. You can study the Western Canon anywhere, and that's a lot of reading, and who has time for that? Not you. that's why you're listening to audio tapes while driving and missing your exit. This is a course about a very large cannon out Texas way (hence -- "western"). At parties, your friends and other people's friends alike will be astounded and amazed when you say "I studied the entire western cannon in just 30-60 minutes." Hint: Don't pronounce the hyphen as it lessens the impact.
Instructor: Kirk Draw McGraw
Ancient Roman Drinks
Ever hear of Ketel I? What about Courvoisier S.P.Q.R.? Romulus et Rossi? No? We didn't think so. These brands no longer exist. But 2000 years ago when the Eternal City was still eternal, not as eternal as it is now, but still pretty eternal, this is how the smart set imbibed. Not only will you learn the names of all these drinks, but, also, how to mix them and how to order them in a bar -- not that this will do you any good, because no one's heard of these drinks (unless they've taken our course!), but still, it's amusing to see the reaction when you announce: "A side-chariot, barkeep, with a fish sauce chaser!" Too much fun.
Instructor: Toby Inebreate
New Astrological Discoveries
Some of our past students misread the title, assumed this was a course about stars and outer space and planets, etc., and then asked for their money back when they actually heard the lecture. Now all of our courses come with a warning in big bold letters: NO REFUNDS! This is for our protection and yours. But mostly ours.
Instructor: Elvira Newsome, Ph.D.
Odd Numbers
If it weren't for the number 19.99, there would be no infomercials. Thirteen has been proven (mathematically) to be unlucky for analog clocks. And without "approximate 10," there'd likely be no express aisle. These and other oddities are some of the things you will learn in this course about odd numbers. Little or no previous math knowledge required. Regardless, course fee still required.
Instructor: Sarah Bride
Backyard Archeology
What will we find when we dig up your back yard? Rocks? An old plunger? Lots of dead birds? What were you doing back there, anyway? Oh, well, it doesn't matter. There's a whole eco-system right at your fingertips waiting to be discovered, explored, and -- for persons in certain geographical regions -- exploited for enormous profit. Symbiosis, anyone? (Please note: 33.3 % of all revenues derived as a direct and proximate result of backyard excavation automatically become the property of Ye Olde Learning Shoppe and its partners).
Instructor: Carl "Bat" Masterson
Religions of the Suburbs
This course is part anthropology, part religion, and part suburb. It is taught as a companion to the course: "Malls of the Suburbs."
Instructor: The "Reverend" Michelle Johnston
What People Used to Do Before the Internet and Smart Phones
This is our shortest course. For obvious reasons.
Instructor: Tim Jones
Meet Your Instructors
* Pincus "Ming" Mandelbaum teaches Driver's Ed. and Repetitive Questions at the Park Slope Adult Learning Annex. He is an expert driver and has driven in all sorts of conditions with little kids and his mother-in-law in the back seat.
* Kirk Draw McGraw is Director of Cannon Studies at Cannon Military Academy in the Texas Hill Country. He speaks softly, but is usually hanging around a big cannon.
* Toby Inebreate is an instructor at numerous bartender schools on the eastern seaboard and on-line. He has published many pamphlets about drinks and snacks.
* Elvira Newsome is a quantum physicist. She discovered three stars and a planet, and has a galaxy named after her. She has been on the faculty at top universities in the United States and Canada and was nominated for a Nobel prize in a very competitive year.
* Sarah Bride has sold over 13 million underarm firmers on television. Numbers are a passion of hers, especially the ones that have dollar signs in front of them.
* Carl "Bat" Masterson is the owner of "Back Yard Derreks" of Oklahoma City and Riyad. He is on probation from the University of East Waziristan.
* The "Reverend" Michelle Johnston officiates as a lay pastor at various unofficial events. She once worked for Bloomingdales.
* Tim Jones teaches hammer dulcimer at the West suburban YMCA. He can sing "Michael Row Your Boat Ashore" in three languages and is also an accomplished shadow puppeteer.
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