Sunday, May 23, 2010

THE COMMENT FORUM IS CLOSED OR: “You’re an idiot.” “No, you’re an idiot.” “You were an idiot first.” “You were an idiot before anybody else ever heard of idiots.” “At least I’m a trendsetter, and not a lemming, like you.” “Actually, I’m a trendsetter, and not a lemming like you.” “Ditto.” “Ditto.”

A recent article in the underground broadsheet, Civil- itty, suggests that, so adeptly has the Internet schooled its users in the finer points of intentional infliction of emotional distress, that the practice has become second nature to us now, like breathing out and breathing in. As the noted blogger and raconteur, Pygmalion Puff, put it recently, “I’ve grown accustomed to this farce.”

Hiding behind fake biographies, made-up statistics, and the spurious logic of simpletons crudely disguised as the thoughts of the profound (traits that the astute reader will recognize in a snap as the life force behind the average candidate for elective office), persons who are, in other venues, too timid to articulate with firm conviction a preference for paper or plastic, or to telegraph their recent ascension to the ranks of the self-congratulatory reusable set, assume, on-line, a persona of intellectual invincibility tinged with a condescending loutishness they would not dare display in the flesh. As we now know, anonymity breeds contempt.

In all but the rarest of instances, spelling, syntax, grammar, and cohesive thematic structure are to be sacrificed on the altar of electronic humiliation when it comes time to taking down an author or fellow reader by one or more pegs.  What matters most is tone – the more strident the better.

100 days from now, social scientists of the future, attempting to decipher how various populations of our current era treated one another,  may review the billions of on-line posts, comments, texts, tweets, and talkbacks preserved for posterity and conclude: “Well, it all depends on who you ask.”


20 comments:

  1. Shouldn't it be "Well, it all depends on WHOM" you ask?

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  2. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  3. To Anonymous Number 1: It's ok to say "it all depends on who you as," because the'M' is silent.

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  4. To number 3: Please spell check. Didn't you mean to say "who you ask" NOT who you as"!!!??

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  5. To Anonymous number 4: As per usual, you have focused on an utterly irrelevant and meaningless thing. A mere glance at my original comment should confirm to all but the most feeble-minded (I won't name names) that your comments are devoid of coherence. And that's putting it nicely.

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  6. Words cannot express how I feel about this article, so, instead, I drew a picture to convey my feelings for me. It shows a cat coughing up a giant hairball. It is my sincere wish tat the author will keep this picture with him at all times and refer to it whenever he gets the urge to publish something.

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  7. Why are posts being removed by the moderator? What is he hiding?????????????????

    he can't handle the truth!!!!

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  8. I think it's hysterical that somebody wrote: "It is my sincere wish tat..." Ha Ha Ha. LOL. What a stupid person, whomever it is.

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  9. Why are the people on this forum so immature? If only they split the word "immature" in 2, they'd get "i'm mature." Oh really? Act it!

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  10. That last commenter seems to be arguing with himself. Pathetic. I hope he loses the argument.

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  11. T number 7, maybe I intended to write "It is my sincere wish TAT" for emphasis.

    Did you ever think of that? No, because you are too busy attacking people and acting superior.

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  12. What do you mean "T number 7?"

    Were you trying to say "TO number 7?"

    Did you forget how to spell "to," too?

    I suppose next you would have us believe that the "o" is silent.

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  13. I, also would like to say how unfortunate it is that this inane piece was ever published, and how even more unfortunate that I and other human beings were exposed to it.

    To the author: "here is a dime. Go and call your mother and tell her that you will never be a writer."

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  14. The last commenter is making an obvious allusion to that scene in the Paper Chase where Professor Kingsfield humiliates a 1st year harvard law student by telling him to call his mother to tell her that he will never make it as a lawyer.

    However: (A) When was the last time anyone used a public phone, (B) When was the last time a phone call cost a dime, (C) whose even old enough to remember this overrated movie?

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  15. I agree with the commenter who drew a picture of a cat choking on a hairball. That's how I feel about this drivel.

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  16. I didn't think this article was so bad.

    Of course, I didn't read it.

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  17. I see everybody here is afraid to use their real name. What a bunch of phonies you all are. At the same time, I wouldn't let the author off the hook. In fact, I would string him up by his thumbs so that he could never write again.

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  18. I take umbrage at that previous comment.

    My real name happens to be "Anonymous."

    The author clearly can't write his way out of a paper bag, but that doesn't give you license to disparage my family name."

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  19. Pincus Ming MandelbaumMay 23, 2010 at 8:47 AM

    There are many useful ways to fritter away time. Having had anything to do with the mishegos written here has not been one of them. As I cannot get my money back, I will just lie down in a darkened room and hum melodies from my favorite childhood record album: "The East is Red; the West Has a Greyish Hue."

    Please respect my solitudinous. It is reserved for me, myself, and I'm.

    In the words of Groucho Marx:

    "I want to be alone."

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  20. May 23, 2010 8:34 AM 

    To the last commenter:

    That wasn't Groucho Marx, you idiot, that was Greta Garbo.

    Why don't you check your fax before you try to demean the rest of us?

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