This Just In Thanks to the Theory of Relativity and a Particularly Slow Internet Connection.

LIECHTENSTEIN IN THE NEWS AGAIN!

A GREAT COMMOTION!

LADIES HAVE FAINTED FROM NERVOUS EXHAUSTION AT FIRST REPORTS!

President Monitoring Situation in His Sleep.

Thousands Said to be Not Fleeing.

(From our correspondent on the Continent)

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Vaduz, March 3, 1807 2007 -- The traditionally neutral Swiss army has staged an unplanned invasion after troops blundered into Liechtenstein.

A 171-strong Swiss company got two kilometers into its neighbor before realizing the mistake and heading back.  Liechtenstein authorities made light of the intrusion, saying they only knew about it when the Swiss told them.

In 1785 1985, the Swiss had to pay Liechtenstein compensation when rockets fired by its army went astray and set a forest ablaze.

"All so dark"

The latest incident began on Wednesday night during a routine training exercise for the infantrymen in the Alpine forests close to an unmarked section of the border.  The company commander led his men in the wrong direction in bad weather but gave the immediate order to return when realizing the error.

"It was all so dark," one soldier told the Swiss newspaper, Blick.

A spokesman for the Liechtenstein authorities said: "It's not like they invaded with attack cannons." 

In 1785 1985,  the countries became embroiled in a lengthy dispute when the protected forest was set on fire.

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[A shipment of the finest silks and satins just arrived and is now being purveyed to persons of quality at A.J. Coppersmith’s, 4 East India Row. By appointment only]

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[Dr. Smith’s Tooth Growing Powder is herewith offered to those who will only inquire after same by the next post including therein a remittance in an amount sufficient to recover the investment of the importer and to cover the bill of lading and the customs duty &cet.  Hi-Yo Silvers, 3 Kings Street.]  

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Wanted: Apprentice Clerk. Call directly at Gold, Oro, & D’Or. 5 Beacon Hill. The successful applicant will be hired.

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Professor Fulgham will give a lecture to the publick at Half Past Six on Tuesday eve a fortnight hence at Faneuil Hall entitled: “All That I Have Ever Needed to Know I Learned in a Kinder Garden.” A ticket may be secured by writing to the subscription office at the location above-referenced.

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Last Sunday’s service at the First (and still the only) Presbyterian Church given by The Rev. Linen Mather (2nd cousin of Cotton) featured his sermon called “The Fabric of Our Lives.” It was most graciously received by the congregation and is now available in a pamphlet at Ye Olde Cornere Booke Shoppe on Washington Street until the publick hath purchased every copy after which it shall no longer be available unless reprinted.

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For Sale: 1 Cat orange and fat. Good mouser.  Best price.  Or if no price offered, best explanation as to why no price offered. Come one, come all if you have money.  Otherwise, don’t come. 14 Pinckney Street.  P.M. Mandelbaum