Message in a Herring Jar

My name is Björk Björksdóttir. I am 12 years old and 13 days (not counting yesterday which wasn’t very nice at all). I live in the fishing village of Vik, Iceland. I put this note in a herring jar (don’t worry, the wine-like sauce had been cleaned out of it first) and threw it in the ocean in April. If you find it, please mail me a note about yourself. Don’t forget to include a photo and a note about yourself and 3 Króna 50 for postage and handling. P.S. If you are not that good-looking, try to see if you can find a photo of someone else.

Well here’s a note about myself. I am 12 years old and my name is Björk. I attend the King Canute The Great Thermal Springs Primary School for Boys and Girls. This year, I won the yellow ribbon at the annual district science fair. My project was called: “My Very First Volcano.” The yellow ribbon is only 3rd place.

My friend, Erricckk Erricckktheredson, took home the blue ribbon a few years ago. That was first place. His project was called: “My Very First Sub-prime Mortgage and Credit Default Swap.” He used nothing but paper for his project, which I don’t think was very imaginative at all.

I think my project was better and that Erricckk got the blue ribbon because he is a boy and I am a girl and the teachers are always favoring boys. I told him: “How could you get the blue ribbon for that thing? A Sub-prime Mortgage and Credit Default Swap doesn’t even explode.” “Oh yes it does!” he said (somewhat tearfully, I thought). But he is always talking crazy talk, and I think maybe his feelings were hurt a little.

For my science fair project, I used clay, dough, soil, and Papier-mâché molded around a jar (not the one that this note was stuffed in!). Then I filled the jar most of the way full with warm water. Next, I added a lot of red food coloring (for effect), some dishwashing liquid, and a heaping scoop of baking soda.
Then I went to the top of Eyjafjallajokull Glacier, and poured some vinegar into the container, and threw the jar into the crater. Then the whole thing started to bubble and erupt. There has been lots and lots of smoke. Guess what!? Red lava came out the top, too!

Before, when I was making the project, Erricckk said, “why don’t you use green food coloring instead of red?” Do you think he was trying to make me do poorly because he was afraid I might win the blue ribbon?

When the explosion happened, I took a picture of it on my camera phone. If you write to me, I will send you the picture. I worked hard on the project, and I think I deserve the blue ribbon.

Instead, the blue ribbon went to Oddur Oddsson who invented some kind of a motor that doesn’t shut off when it gets all covered with ash and soot. BORING!!!! Who cares? Where’s the explosion there? Can you guess what we call Oddur for short? Odd. I guess I don’t have to tell you the reason.

My teacher, Maple “Leif” Ericsson, who likes me, thinks I lost points because I did not write about the practical applications of my project. Is that all old people ever think about? How about the fun of it? That’s the practical application! Ha! Ha!

I know you want to know who won the green ribbon (this is second place). Well, I will tell you. Her name is Dotty Dottirsdóttir and she made some stupid machine that when you push dirt into it spurts out gasoline. Oh Puuuuuuhlleeeeeeez. Like we haven’t seen this before!

How are things where you live? We haven’t been able to go outside for the past 3 weeks because visibility is down to 3 feet and I am bored. This is why I made this note. My father, Baldur (“Dash”) Baldursson, says “don’t feel sorry for yourself. You think you are the only one who is bored? Everybody all over the world is just sitting around with no place to go and nothing to do and they can’t get anywhere.”

What’s that got to do with me? I’m bored so he brings the whole rest of the world into it to try to make me feel better?

My favorite book is Under the Volcano. My favorite film is Krakatoa East of Java. I’ve seen it 21 times. What are your favorites? Do you know anybody named Björk? I have a cat. Do you have a car? I am not old enough to drive. Do people read books where you live? Here most people read text messages, but lately all the service connections have been not functioning so people are forced to do other things.

I asked Erricckk if he wanted to go to the library with me but instead he wanted to go to the food court at the Reykjavik Airport and read the cancellations board. And this is the boy who won the blue ribbon a few years back? He’s nice, but, c’mon!

The only television I watch is a quiz show called “Who Wants to be an Icelandic Króna-naire?” with Regis Reggisson. Yesterday, my father’s friend, Narfi Narfason, was on the program. I was supposed to be one of his lifelines – the person you telephone for a hint if you don’t know the answer. The 750,000 Krona question was: “What is a popular name of a vent in the earth's crust through which lava, steam, ashes, etc., are expelled, either continuously or at irregular intervals?” I was jumping up and down screaming at the television. Did Narfi call me? No, he blurted out an incorrect answer: “geyser.” Geyser!? What an idiot!

I don’t even count yesterday as one of the days of my life because of stupid old Narfi Narfason. He ruined it for me. Yesterday was a very dark day around here. And not just because of all the ash in the air, if you know what I mean.

Well, that’s it for me. I do hope you find this note and will write to me, as I am very bored. Next year my science project will be called “My Very First Nuclear Fusion.” Don’t worry, I will remember to say something about the practical applications so as to be sure to win the blue ribbon.

Your friend,

Björk