EVERYBODY IS THE STAR OF THE MOVIE OF THEIR OWN LIFE, EXCEPT FOR ME -- I'M JUST THE ASSISTANT GRIP (2ND UNIT) AND ALSO ADJUNCT SPECIAL ASSISTANT TO MR. DECAPRIO, WHICH MOSTLY INVOLVES RUNNING AROUND GETTING COFFEE AND A CERTAIN KIND OF SCHWARMA THAT ISN'T AVAILABLE IN HOLLYWOOD (LEGALLY) BECAUSE OF A CONFLICT BETWEEN SHECHITA, THE CHARTER OF THE ASPCA, AND THE SANITATION CODE OR SOME SUCH (HEY, THANKS FOR NOTHING UPTON SINCLAIR!)

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Hello, I'd like to speak to Benjamin the Clown. Is this Benjamin the Clown?
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Uh, no, this is a law firm...
...
...
...
Hello, are you there?
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I'd like to speak to Benjamin the Clown.
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As I said, this is a law firm.
I don't believe Benjamin the Clown has had this telephone number for many years and a day.
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Can you give him a message for me?
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Excuse me?
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I want to know if he's available for my son's bar mitzvah in two weeks.
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No, I don't think you understand.
Benjamin the Clown is not affiliated with this firm.
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Well, can't you give him a message?
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How can I give him a message if I don't know where he is?
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But this is his number.
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Who?  Whose number?
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Benjamin the Clown.  This is his number.
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How could it be Benjamin the Clown's number when it's my number?
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That's what I'm asking you.
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Listen, Sir.  Benjamin the Clown is not here.
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If he's not there, why are you answering his phone?
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I'm not answering his phone.
I'm answering my phone.
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And you can't give him a message for me?
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No.
No, I can't.
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Oh.
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Was there anything else?
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Well, uhmm, are you available in two weeks?
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Available for what?
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My son's bar mitzvah.
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What do you mean "available?"
What do you need?
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Can you do tumbling and make balloon animals?
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No.
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Well, what can you do?
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Mostly just talk on the phone.
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That's it?
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and write letters.

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And?
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And what?
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What else can you do? 
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Well, I changed the water cooler jug today by myself.
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Oh, that could be good.
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That you like?
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Yeah, let's book it.
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Hold on a second. I...

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Oh, don't worry.
I'm not going to tell Benjamin the Clown.
You won't have to split the fee with him.
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Finally, you're saying something that makes sense.