Posts
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Do NOT, under any circumstance, read this!
TO: Bernie@thenameispaulrevere.com;
Phil@andheresaguythatsays.biz;
harry@theweathersclear.com; Joey@candocando.com; Jeremy@thisguysaysthehorsecando.gov;
rick@ifhesayathehorsecando.edu;
Murray@candocando123.net
Subject: Brotherhood Gift for Sam Levinson
Brothers:
At our last meeting, we voted to use some our discretionary
funds to purchase a gift for our departing president, Sam Levinson, to
demonstrate our appreciation for everything he did for the Brotherhood. We will
present the gift during next week’s annual awards breakfast. The 3 biggest vote
getters for a gift for Sam were: (1) cheese plate; (2) cat tray; (3) butter
warmer. I will be purchasing the gift
on-line.
Please make your final
vote today because I have to get the purchase in by 4:30 p.m. in order to make
the delivery deadline.
Thx,
Fast Eddie.
-----------------------------------------------------
TO: Bernie@thenameispaulrevere.com;
Phil@andheresaguythatsays.biz;
harry@theweathersclear.com; Joey@candocando.com; Jeremy@thisguysaysthehorsecando.gov;
rick@ifhesayathehorsecando.edu;
Murray@candocando123.net
Subject: Brotherhood Gift for Sam Levinson
What the hell is a butter warmer?
Bernie
-----------------------------------------------------
TO: Bernie@thenameispaulrevere.com;
Phil@andheresaguythatsays.biz;
harry@theweathersclear.com; Joey@candocando.com; Jeremy@thisguysaysthehorsecando.gov;
rick@ifhesayathehorsecando.edu;
Murray@candocando123.net
Subject: Brotherhood Gift for Sam Levinson
You don’t know what a butter warmer is? Where were you raised? In a barn? It’s a butter dish that has
battery-powered coils in the bottom to keep the butter nice and soft for toast et al.
Fast Eddie
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TO: Bernie@thenameispaulrevere.com;
Phil@andheresaguythatsays.biz;;
Joey@candocando.com; Jeremy@thisguysaysthehorsecando.gov;
rick@ifhesayathehorsecando.edu;
Murray@candocando123.net
Subject: Brotherhood Gift for Sam Levinson
My wife got me a butter warmer once. One time, I
accidentally left it on all day and when I came home there was melted butter
all over my desk and a handkerchief and on the floor. It damn near ruined a Mont Blanc pen.
I wished I never
heard of a butter warmer.
Regards,
Harry
-----------------------------------------------------
TO: Bernie@thenameispaulrevere.com;
Phil@andheresaguythatsays.biz;;
harry@theweathersclear.com; Joey@candocando.com; Jeremy@thisguysaysthehorsecando.gov;
rick@ifhesayathehorsecando.edu;
Murray@candocando123.net
Subject: Brotherhood Gift for Sam Levinson
Who keeps a butter warmer on their desk!? That’s just insane!
Do you keep your briefcase in the refrigerator?
Rick
-----------------------------------------------------
FROM: Murray@candocando123.net
TO: Bernie@thenameispaulrevere.com;
Phil@andheresaguythatsays.biz;;
harry@theweathersclear.com; Joey@candocando.com; Jeremy@thisguysaysthehorsecando.gov;
rick@ifhesayathehorsecando.edu;
Subject: Brotherhood Gift for Sam Levinson
I vote for the cat plate!
(Can-do) Murray
-----------------------------------------------------
TO: Bernie@thenameispaulrevere.com;
Phil@andheresaguythatsays.biz;
harry@theweathersclear.com; Joey@candocando.com; Jeremy@thisguysaysthehorsecando.gov;
rick@ifhesayathehorsecando.edu;
Murray@candocando123.net
Subject: Brotherhood Gift for Sam Levinson
It’s not a cat PLATE.
It’s a cat TRAY. The PLATE is the
cheese.
Fast Eddie.
-----------------------------------------------------
TO: Bernie@thenameispaulrevere.com;
Phil@andheresaguythatsays.biz;
harry@theweathersclear.com; Joey@candocando.com; Jeremy@thisguysaysthehorsecando.gov;
rick@ifhesayathehorsecando.edu;
Murray@candocando123.net
Subject: Brotherhood Gift for Sam Levinson
What does that mean?
The PLATE is the cheese? You mean
the plate is made out of cheese? That doesn’t sound very sanitary.
Bernie
-----------------------------------------------------
TO: Bernie@thenameispaulrevere.com;
Phil@andheresaguythatsays.biz;
harry@theweathersclear.com; Joey@candocando.com;; rick@ifhesayathehorsecando.edu;
Murray@candocando123.net
Subject: Brotherhood Gift for Sam Levinson
Gentlemen:
Can you please stop using my work email address for this
stuff? It’s cluttering up my inbox. Plus, I’m only supposed to use this account
for official government business and these messages are monitored. Please use: Jeremy@greatgrand-fatherwasEquipoise.com.
Thanks,
Jeremy
-----------------------------------------------------
TO: Bernie@thenameispaulrevere.com;
Phil@andheresaguythatsays.biz;
harry@theweathersclear.com; Joey@candocando.com; Jeremy@thisguysaysthehorsecando.gov;
rick@ifhesayathehorsecando.edu;
Murray@candocando123.net
Subject: Brotherhood Gift for Sam Levinson
Why does Jeremy even get a vote?
It’s not like he ever comes to any of the meetings.
Bernie
-----------------------------------------------------
TO: Bernie@thenameispaulrevere.com;
Phil@andheresaguythatsays.biz;
harry@theweathersclear.com; Joey@candocando.com; Jeremy@thisguysaysthehorsecando.gov;
rick@ifhesayathehorsecando.edu;
Murray@candocando123.net
Subject: Brotherhood Gift for Sam Levinson
Brothers:
I forgot to mention that because of a little disagreement I
had with the distributor during the last Brotherhood event, I cannot use the real name of the organization or our actual credit account (which has been
black-marked in the industry) to make the purchase.
We are persona non
grata everywhere it seems.
I will need one of you guys to create a fake name and
account to get the gift.
The Brotherhood will reimburse you.
Fast Eddie.
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TO: Bernie@thenameispaulrevere.com;
Phil@andheresaguythatsays.biz;;
harry@theweathersclear.com; Joey@candocando.com; Jeremy@thisguysaysthehorsecando.gov;
rick@ifhesayathehorsecando.edu;
Murray@candocando123.net
Subject: Brotherhood Gift for Sam Levinson
You need someone to go undercover to purchase a cheese
plate?
Rick
-----------------------------------------------------
TO: Bernie@thenameispaulrevere.com;
Phil@andheresaguythatsays.biz;
harry@theweathersclear.com; Joey@candocando.com;; rick@ifhesayathehorsecando.edu;
Murray@candocando123.net
Subject: Brotherhood Gift for Sam Levinson
Gentlemen:
I hate to resurrect a sore subject, but I really do think we
need a proper accounting of the so-called “discretionary” funds. Why is it that we always seem to be in the
Red and having to rely on handouts from the Sisterhood who, let’s be frank, run
a very tight fiscal ship.
It’s no wonder they’re always whispering about our
management.
I believe before we proceed with this purchase, there should
be a very thorough examination of the books by a neutral, well schooled in the preparation
of audited financial statements.
Thanks,
Jeremy
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FROM: Murray@candocando123.net
TO: Bernie@thenameispaulrevere.com;
Phil@andheresaguythatsays.biz;;
harry@theweathersclear.com; Joey@candocando.com; Jeremy@thisguysaysthehorsecando.gov;
rick@ifhesayathehorsecando.edu;
Subject: Brotherhood Gift for Sam Levinson
OK, OK!
I vote for the cat tray!
(Can-do) Murray
-----------------------------------------------------
TO: Bernie@thenameispaulrevere.com;
Phil@andheresaguythatsays.biz;
harry@theweathersclear.com; Joey@candocando.com; Jeremy@thisguysaysthehorsecando.gov;
rick@ifhesayathehorsecando.edu;
Murray@candocando123.net
Subject: Brotherhood Gift for Sam Levinson
I vote for the butter warmer.
Bernie
-----------------------------------------------------
TO: Bernie@thenameispaulrevere.com;
Phil@andheresaguythatsays.biz;;
Joey@candocando.com; Jeremy@thisguysaysthehorsecando.gov;
rick@ifhesayathehorsecando.edu;
Murray@candocando123.net
Subject: Brotherhood Gift for Sam Levinson
What I want to know is, why did my suggestion of a
decorative beer stein get nixed? I went
to a flea market with Sam and Trudy Levinson once, and Sam just couldn’t take
his eyes off the beer steins. It’s all
he talked about for days afterwards.
If Trudy hadn’t threatened to hit him on the head with a
beer stein, I think Sam would have emptied out his bank account and bought up
every beer stein in the joint.
It just seems like sometimes some people ride roughshod over
other people’s votes in this organization.
I vote for the decorative beer stein.
Regards,
Harry
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TO: Bernie@thenameispaulrevere.com;
Phil@andheresaguythatsays.biz;
harry@theweathersclear.com; Joey@candocando.com;; rick@ifhesayathehorsecando.edu;
Murray@candocando123.net
Subject: Brotherhood Gift for Sam Levinson
Gentlemen:
I forgot to say that I’m not sure our charter authorizes the
use of funds in this way. I read
“discretionary” to mean advancing the overall goals of the organization, and I
just am not seeing it here.
Couldn’t the funds be
put to better use – say a group class in financial responsibility?
Thanks,
Jeremy
-----------------------------------------------------
TO: Bernie@thenameispaulrevere.com;
Phil@andheresaguythatsays.biz;;
harry@theweathersclear.com; Joey@candocando.com; Jeremy@thisguysaysthehorsecando.gov;
rick@ifhesayathehorsecando.edu;
Murray@candocando123.net
Subject: Brotherhood Gift for Sam Levinson
Ok, everybody.
I created a temporary account for the purchase.
User name = Guys
Password = DOLLS
Rick
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FROM: Joey@candocando.com
TO: Bernie@thenameispaulrevere.com;
Phil@andheresaguythatsays.biz;
harry@theweathersclear.com; Jeremy@thisguysaysthehorsecando.gov;
rick@ifhesayathehorsecando.edu;
Murray@candocando123.net
Subject: Brotherhood Gift for Sam Levinson
Is the password really all upper case, like that? It seems too short. Can’t you throw in some numbers so that we
don’t get hacked?
How about DOLLS1?
Best,
Joey
-----------------------------------------------------
TO: Bernie@thenameispaulrevere.com;
Phil@andheresaguythatsays.biz;;
harry@theweathersclear.com; Joey@candocando.com; Jeremy@thisguysaysthehorsecando.gov;
rick@ifhesayathehorsecando.edu;
Murray@candocando123.net
Subject: Brotherhood Gift for Sam Levinson
Joey:
Are you serious? You
think someone is going to try to hack our account for a cat tray?
Get real.
Rick
-----------------------------------------------------
TO: Bernie@thenameispaulrevere.com;
Phil@andheresaguythatsays.biz;
harry@theweathersclear.com; Joey@candocando.com;; rick@ifhesayathehorsecando.edu;
Murray@candocando123.net
Subject: Brotherhood Gift for Sam Levinson
Gentlemen:
I propose that we table all further voting until we have
convened a public reading of the rules.
I am uncomfortable with the way this seems to be progressing. It has the distinct feel of something being
rammed down our throats.
“Something is rotten in the state of Sweden.”
Jeremy
-----------------------------------------------------
TO: Bernie@thenameispaulrevere.com;
Phil@andheresaguythatsays.biz;;
harry@theweathersclear.com; Joey@candocando.com; Jeremy@thisguysaysthehorsecando.gov;
rick@ifhesayathehorsecando.edu;
Murray@candocando123.net
Subject: Brotherhood Gift for Sam Levinson
Jeremy:
That’s “Denmark,” not “Sweden,” you pompous windbag.
Rick
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FROM: Murray@candocando123.net
TO: Bernie@thenameispaulrevere.com;
Phil@andheresaguythatsays.biz;;
harry@theweathersclear.com; Joey@candocando.com; Jeremy@thisguysaysthehorsecando.gov;
rick@ifhesayathehorsecando.edu;
Subject: Brotherhood Gift for Sam Levinson
Is it possible to switch my vote?
I’m starting to warm to the butter warmer (no pun intended).
(Can-do) Murray
-----------------------------------------------------
TO: Bernie@thenameispaulrevere.com;
Phil@andheresaguythatsays.biz;
harry@theweathersclear.com; Joey@candocando.com; Jeremy@thisguysaysthehorsecando.gov;
rick@ifhesayathehorsecando.edu;
Murray@candocando123.net
Subject: Brotherhood Gift for Sam Levinson
Brothers:
I just looked at the distributor’s website, and while we’ve
been futzing around with this, the price of the cat plate jumped 14%.
It’s time to poop or get off the pot.
Fast Eddie.
-----------------------------------------------------
TO: Bernie@thenameispaulrevere.com;
harry@theweathersclear.com; Murray@candocando123.net Joey@candocando.com; Jeremy@thisguysaysthehorsecando.gov;
rick@ifhesayathehorsecando.edu;
Subject: Brotherhood Gift for Sam Levinson
Hey guys. I’m just
reading these emails.
Why are we getting a gift for Sam Levinson?
Didn’t we all agree that after his tenure, the state of the
Brotherhood was in the worst shape it’s ever been in? And, anyway, was the investigation into the
whole petty cash controversy ever concluded?
Was nobody else troubled by the fact that rare, decorative
beer steins just started showing up in Sam’s house, and he never had a
rational explanation for it?
And whenever I asked him: "Hey Sam, where'd you get all the decorative beer steins?" there was always this embarrassed silence. Like he wanted you to change the subject real fast.
And whenever I asked him: "Hey Sam, where'd you get all the decorative beer steins?" there was always this embarrassed silence. Like he wanted you to change the subject real fast.
You guys never want to acknowledge the dark undercurrent in
these associations. Wake up!
Phil
-----------------------------------------------------
TO: Bernie@thenameispaulrevere.com;
Phil@andheresaguythatsays.biz;
harry@theweathersclear.com; Joey@candocando.com;; rick@ifhesayathehorsecando.edu;
Murray@candocando123.net
Subject: Brotherhood Gift for Sam Levinson
Gentlemen:
I second that.
Jeremy
-----------------------------------------------------
TO: Bernie@thenameispaulrevere.com;
Phil@andheresaguythatsays.biz;
harry@theweathersclear.com; Joey@candocando.com; Jeremy@thisguysaysthehorsecando.gov;
rick@ifhesayathehorsecando.edu;
Murray@candocando123.net
Subject: Brotherhood Gift for Sam Levinson
Brothers:
Well, I guess the gift is off.
I just heard from Sam Levinson who says he will not be at
the annual breakfast or any other Brotherhood event again.
He is moving out west to try his hand in the flea market
trade.
He wishes you all good health and Godspeed.
I guess we’ll just transfer the discretionary fund to the
rainy day fund.
See you all at the breakfast!
Fast Eddie.
-----------------------------------------------------
FROM: Murray@candocando123.net
TO: Bernie@thenameispaulrevere.com;
Phil@andheresaguythatsays.biz;;
harry@theweathersclear.com; Joey@candocando.com; Jeremy@thisguysaysthehorsecando.gov;
rick@ifhesayathehorsecando.edu;
Subject: Brotherhood Gift for Sam Levinson
I think I’ll just purchase the butter warmer for myself.
Rick, what was the password, again?
(Can-do) Murray
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Friday, May 4, 2012
HIYLH WANTS TO KNOW – WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
Alexander the Great – Conquered half of what he and his family thought of as the known
world by the age of 18 around 336 B.C.E.
Everyone who was around in 336 B.C.E. agreed that he was full of vim and
vigor, and probably could have had his own cooking show if he wasn’t always so
busy conquering. Half of the known world was his oyster. And though he never
went to Harvard, he was home-schooled by Aristotle, who was no slouch in the Classics.
Here is Alex relaxing in his father’s pool with
an inflatable horse.
He hasn’t been heard from
much of late, and so HIYLH asks:
Where is he now?
He dead, yo.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shaka kaSenzangakhona (also
known as Shaka[ Zulu) was the most influential leader of the Zulu Kingdom in southern
Africa in the early 1800s of the common era. He convinced a lot of the Northern
Nguni people, specifically
the Mtetwa
Paramountcy and the Ndwandwe
to stop writing disparaging remarks about each other on tree bark and skip the
ridiculous lines of the Magic Kingdom in favor of the much hipper Zulu Kingdom.
Here is Shaka demonstrating a hand-held satellite dish.
Here is Shaka demonstrating a hand-held satellite dish.
Shaka hasn’t had a number in the top 40 for quite a spell, so
naturally, HIYLH wants to know:
Where is he now?
He so dead.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Catherine
II,
also known as Catherine the Great, also known as Catherine Roman Numeral Two, is considered the most renowned and
the longest-ruling female leader of Russia.
Under her leadership, the serfs got a new wardrobe. The rumors of
Catherine’s equine shenanigans have been wildly exaggerated, but they persist.
 |
| Here is Catherine prior to having a little work done. |
When was the last time you
saw Catherine on a magazine cover, such as Shape
or Time Out? or even The National Enquirer? Can you
remember? We sure can’t. So we’ve just gotta inquire:
Where is she now?
She dead, Kee-moh-sab.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Confucius, Chinese
politician, teacher, editor, and social philosopher of the Spring and
Autumn Period of Chinese history seems to
be everywhere. His followers competed successfully with many other schools
during the Hundred
Schools of Thought era only to be suppressed in favor of the Legalists
during the Qin Dynasty.
Following the victory of Han
over Chu
after the collapse of Qin, Confucius's thoughts received official sanction from
Do over the objections of Rey, who locked Me and Fah in a closet to enable So
to advance in the debating semi-finals, to no avail, because Lah triumphed,
anyway. Confucius’ coined his personal tagline: "Do not do to others what
you do not want done to yourself" after a friend entered him in an
Ultimate Fighting competition as a gag.
Here is Confucius looking a jot stiff
That may be fitting, because when we asked:
That may be fitting, because when we asked:
Where is he now?
We found out:
He stone, cold dead Mistuh Jones.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Montezuma: Let's put it this way, you're an Aztec and you got a gripe. You're tired of spilling to the local priest. It's always the same old, same old: "eat somebody's liver and call me in the morning." The neighbors party all night and day, and you're so sleep-deprived you might just do something crazy, like use one of their heads for a soccer ball. You're getting nowhere with the local corrupt officials who are great at building pyramids to the sun and the moon, but meanwhile, try getting a street paved. When you want to get things done around here, who you gonna call? Montezuma, that's who! He may not do windows (for one thing, there aren't any), but he does plenty of other things, and when he snaps his fingers, stuff happens. This is the guy you need in your corner.
When Montezuma first modeled the diaper 'n cloak look, he thought it would be a huge hit. He was wrong about that, but that's OK, he was right about other things.
When Montezuma first modeled the diaper 'n cloak look, he thought it would be a huge hit. He was wrong about that, but that's OK, he was right about other things.
Montezuma's voicemail box has been full for a few hundred years, so lately we've been wondering:
Where is he now?
He past tense, muh man!
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HIYLH: is published irregularly and fills a large void on the Internet. Until it exploded on the scene, there was no meaningless crap on the World Wide Web. Hasn't been heard from in some time, so somebody with nothing better to do might ask, where is it now?
Hello! We still not dead yet!
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